Yes, we’ve all been here. Do not worry, you’re not alone. Yes, you’ll once again find your sanity. Panic not.
1. I cannot believe I let the swine finish it first.
2. I should have dumped him last week when he took 4.5 hours to respond.
3. Fuck his actual face.
4. His face wasn’t even that cute when you come to think of it.
5. Oh, I miss him.
6. Oh God why couldn’t I have just behaved like a normal human and we’d still be together.
7. WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING TO GET SEX FROM NOW?
8. Oh our sex was so good. SososososososOOOoooOooo good. Shit.
9. Oh come on, plenty more fricking fish in the fucking sea.
10. If you think about it, his flat was crap and his tattoos looked like a child’s pencil drawing.
11. Screw him. He was punching above his weight with me anyway.
12. He should be here begging me to take him back.
13. Why hasn’t he text yet. Is he out?
14. Who the fuck is that bitch winking on his Facebook wall. I WILL HUNT HER DOWN.
15. “Weeee are never ever ever, getting back togetherrrrrrr”
16. Taylor Swift is my spirit animal.
17. I’m so glad I’m going out tonight. That’ll teach him.
18. GIRL’S NIGHT MOTHA FUCKA!
19. Where did that bottle of wine go? FML.
20. Listen yeah girls, you know I’ve done better. I’ve had better and I’ll screw better again my friends!
21. My girls are the best. I love them. Shots of sambucca for all the ones I love. SHOTS SHOTSSHOTS.
22. All the blokes in here are feral.
23. Ohhhh I miss him. Why hasn’t he text? He’s been online in the last 7.5 minutes.
24. There’s only one thing to do, call him. It’s the only logical way to move forward.
25. WHY HASN’T HE PICKED UP IT’S ONLY 11:30pm? OMG HE’S WITH ANOTHER GIRL ALREADY.
26. I wish tears weren’t so salty they’re ruining my Woo Woo.
27. THIS IS MA JAMMMMM.
28. I need to do some damage control. I wish smart phones were not invented.
29. Nobody had this issue with a Nokia 3210.
30. I’m going to buy 7 kittens. I might as well start this crazy cat lady shit now. I shall die alone.
31. If you think about it, the little prick will come back. He needs to realise I’m the best thing he’s ever had.
32. If he gets into a relationship and I’m still single I think I’ll cry until I’m a shriveled prune.
33. I miss him.
34. No more fucking football. NO MORE FOOTBALL!!!!
35. Cooking for one is actually easier and cheaper anyway.
36. The bed is so cold at night I want to curl up in a ball and just cryyyyyyyyyyyy.
37. I need to fuck someone else, asap. That’s the only cure.
38. Yes Tinder. YESSSSS.
39. Well that didn’t take long. HA! And he is so much hotter than the last tool.
40. I bet this is the one. Such is fate. I bet he’s totally the one. I’ll drink to that.