If you’ve not watched the rom-com ‘How To Be Single’ then the title will mean nothing to you and you’ll think I’ve just got a case of sexual tourettes. If you have, then you know exactly what this feature is all about. For those in the dark, let me enlighten you…
The movie itself was your typical average American comedy that is aimed at single females who need a LOL and want to forget about the fact that they can’t keep a dude in reality. Whatever. But it was worth a watch if only for this phrase that Rebel Wilson pops out at the end “dick-sand“.
In simple translation, dick-sand is when a girl gets so obsessed and caught up with the guy she’s dating, she loses who she is. Or she has no idea how to be single and moves from guy to guy being absorbed entirely into his life and his plan and his routine, so much so that any independence she previously had dies. The girls who get sucked into the dick-sand lose themselves in the relationship, often to the detriment of their jobs, friends and family ties.
So yeah, this may look like quick-sand, but it’s also exactly what happens when a girl gets trapped in the ol’ dick-sand… not pretty:
Okay, so why am I writing about this? Good fucking question. Because…I see this happening ALL THE DAMN TIME. Heck, I’ve personally been sucked into the dick-sand a billion times myself. OUSH. Once you’re in, it’s fucking hard to climb back out again. Friends stop bothering to call, family exclude you from gatherings and you’re constantly under a pile of work because you just can’t quite get on top of it all. Why? You fell for a boy didn’t ya? Now look where it’s got you.
Listen, I’m all about falling in love. I love love! I’m a hopeless romantic and I believe in fate, soul mates, finding the other half of me…and when the love bug hits ya, it’s tough AF to remain semi-normal. You want to be around him 24/7, text all day, call twice a day, arrange mini vacations, invite him to every event or house party going…even having a bath alone isn’t cutting it. He needs to be sitting next to you giving you interim hair-washing kisses.
This is all delightful and I pray you all find true love because it kicks ass (and licks it too weeyyyyy!!!!!), but it comes with a severe dick-sand warning. Do not lose who you are simply because you found another. The worst kind of friend is the one who is always available until she’s dating someone, then disappears, then when they split up she’s back blowing up your phone again. Don’t be that friend. Nobody likes her.
Rest assured, many dick-sanders don’t realise they’re doing it, so it can be forgiven. But for me, the real issue here isn’t what your mates say, it’s how you’re treating yourself. You cannot possibly jeapodise yourself for a man. You cannot possibly allow your own dreams and life goals and daily routine to disappear to cater for everything he wants or needs. He may not even ask you to do it, but you do it submissively anyway. Why? Don’t you like who you are on your own? Don’t you value your own time and space and life choices? Don’t you have your own dreams that no-one else can take away or affect? If you answer these questions honestly and the answers aren’t pretty – then it’s not a man you need, it’s time to discover yourself again.
I have a very strong certain sense of ‘self’ and I will never dial it down for a man, because I know the man I love won’t ever ask me to. Yet even I have fallen foul of the dick-sand and got so absorbed into my lover’s life that I was doing, saying and even eating shit that was literally the opposite of who I really was. I’m super super strong and even I have sunk so I assure you, I get where you’re at. It’s only until the relationship ends and you start to ‘do you’ again that you realise how badly you’ve evolved into him. Like shit…I don’t even like house music. Why did I go to a fucking rave?
Also, can I just say, men don’t like women who come across as completely malleable and inept of any real opinion of their own. It’s a turn off! The dick-sand is a right turn off for them. Sure, they’ll love how available you are at the beginning but soon your lack of diary plans or friends to go hang with will make you appear completely dependent and needy upon them, then guess what? They stray / move on. Life is a bitch isn’t she? The irony has to make you laugh though.