Every year when January 1st arrives, we all say we’re going to do the same things. Lose weight, quit smoking, stop biting your nails (guilty), or sticking to a budget. But how many of us actually stick to them? Well, enough is enough. We say it’s time start having better sex; so make that your 2017 resolution.
Here at Sex and London City, we say that the resolutions you make should be to do more of what you enjoy. And who doesn’t enjoy sex? We hope to god that not a single one of you answered. So what are you waiting for? Read on!
1. Talk to your partner
Whoa. Now before you click off this blog post and declare me boring, hear me out. Anyone in a successful, happy and pleasurable relationship will tell you that communication is the key to making it work.
No matter whether you want to try something new or if there’s something they do that you don’t quite like, don’t worry about hurting their feelings. You’re a team, and team members share what one another are thinking and feeling. It’s only going to lead to a better connection and better sex between you, so what are you waiting for?
2. Masturbate more
If you don’t masturbate, then we’re here to tell you, as the caretakers of Sex and London City – why are you here? Second of all, if you don’t, then you should.
Contrary to what some people might tell you, masturbation isn’t wrong whether you’re a man or a woman. It’s self love! The act of making yourself feel good shouldn’t simultaneously make you feel bad. So we’re here to tell you to let go of any misgivings you may have, and get down to it.
If you’re new to masturbation then you should start small – not literally of course. But maybe start by using your fingers to explore your clit, maybe with a dab of good old lube, and see where that takes you. Want to migrate to toys? We think you should, by the way. Start of small (this time we mean literally) with a bullet.
Bullets are the perfect beginner toy – I particularly love these gorgeous silver, rose gold and hot pink bullets from So Divine – because all you do is press the button and away you go. They have one speed to help you get used to things, are small and compact enough to fit into your handbag (because you never know) and they’re easy to whip out for a quick pleasure thrill. You can thank us later.
3. Make your own pleasure a priority
Now don’t get us wrong; we’re not saying that you should completely ignore the needs of your partner, but sometimes I think we can all be a little guilty of wanting to please others.
For example, if you can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation (if so you’re not alone, you’re actually in the majority) then don’t be afraid to reach down there with your fingers or a trusty bullet and get yourself off. You may be worried but we will guarantee that he’ll find it hot. Plus, the sensation of your fingers or the vibrations will be felt in his penis too, so it’s a win-win.
And it goes back to communication; don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you want. If you want more oral, then tell him! If you like it when he pays attention to your breasts, then tell him! Don’t sacrifice your pleasure because of shyness.
4. Feel good about yourself
Having confidence in the way you look and your ability between the sheets is something that we all have a crisis with at one point or another – we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t! But how we react to it is what counts.
I’ve already written about body confidence; and you’ll know from this post that it’s an elusive little bugger that comes and goes as our emotions change. But there’s one important thing to remember; what you worry about is all in your head.
As a woman you may worry about your thighs, your stomach or your boobs, but TRUST US – he isn’t thinking about any of that. He’s already having sex with you, so he already thinks you’re as hot as sliced bread or he wouldn’t be here. If he looks like he’s enjoying himself, then he is.
And you men! Stop worrying about your performance, how long you last or your size, and just focus on having a good time. Women aren’t worrying about the same things you are. So both of you, get out of your head and enjoy the moment!
5. Step it up a notch with yourself
So above we talked about giving yourself a little lovin’, so now let’s take it to the next level. If you’ve perfected the art of the clitoral orgasm, why not go exploring for your g-spot? Or see if you can master the elusive nipple orgasm? Wow you’re lucky if you can manage this.
And a clit orgasm doesn’t have to be quick, wham bam done, in a few minutes. Take your time, slow it down and really make your pleasure last as long as possible. Switch off your phone, maybe take a hot bath or shower to unwind, light some candles and use a toy to really explore your pleasure. You can even step up your toy game if you want! Vibrators are the next logical step (don’t they look so pretty?!) and psst – they are completely waterproof too so you can take your fun underwater. Ready to go even further? So Divine’s gorgeous Massaging Wands can be used all over your body, so why not try tracing it up and down your body, over your breasts and then onto your clit? Phew!
6. Try out a few new positions
Missionary is great, let’s face it, it’s probably a firm favourite of many of us out there. You can spread your legs for depth or lock your ankles around his waist for closeness. But why not try mixing it up a bit? And we don’t just mean girl on top.
The internet is your best friend here (not porn) and there are whole websites out there dedicated to helping you explore different positions. Whether it’s vaginal, oral or anal, there’s a whole freakin’ rainbow of positions out there to help you feel something that you never have before. So get out there!
7. Maybe dabble in something a little different…
We’re big fans of experimenting here at Sex and London City. In fact, we believe that every home should have a few essential items: a couch, a bed, and a pair of handcuffs. Or a gag, blindfold, leather cuffs. Or all of the above. Ok we’re not really fussed what you have stashed away under your bed.
But trust us, why not give it a try? Bondage or BDSM doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you – all it means is that you have the confidence to know what you like and go after it. Spanking, restraining, role play, whatever floats your boat. Just get out there and push the boundaries!
Oh, and happy 2017, everybody. Go make it a hot one.