To explain why this blog needs to be written, I first need to set the scene. My ex boyfriend (from a few years ago) has, for reasons I cannot work out, suddenly decided to get back in touch and wants to speak every damn day. We didn’t have a bad split and he still makes me laugh and I am happy to be friends…but that’s it. Nothing. More. Than. Friendship.
You see, once I ‘get over’ my feelings for a guy I cannot ever switch it back. I’m a ‘one chance then you out’ kinda gal. You got to love me there and then or leave and never come back – but they ALL come back, expecting me to still have all the feels for them. I don’t operate that way. I have no feels. None. But, I do remain friends with my ex boyfriends (the lesser of the knobs) and I am happy to chat, skype, text, whatever. This particular ex is HILARIOUS and he had me in stitches for my train journey home. But then, the giggles stopped…
…after he sent me an unsolicited dick pic.
So there I am on the phone chatting to him about life and he goes “check your whatsapp” only for me to quickly close the screen again after his huge (IT’S SO HUGE I SWEAR) dick is staring back at me.
The conversation that followed went something like this:
“Okay soooo, honey, you need to listen up cos I’m about to get real on your arse. Do you realise that sending me your dick does absolutely nothing for me whatsoever, never has, never will? When I loved you, when I don’t – I don’t want that pic. It’s not just your particular dick or anything, it’s all dicks. They do fuck-all for me…and it’s not just me, all girls feel the same. We don’t care for a dick pic. I’m not into pussy or anything and I love sex but I just don’t get anything from a dick pic. We girls literally don’t feel anything except maybe a bit shocked, that’s it. Guys love a naked pic from us but we don’t have the same reaction back. Plus, I don’t even fancy you anymore. So I really don’t want that D and I certainly don’t need it on my phone staring back at me.”
“What? Is this true? Babe…why didn’t you tell me this years ago!”
“I thought all guys knew this!”
“No, we don’t. Cheers for telling me earlier woman…Tshhh could have saved me a lot of agg”
“So, you thought when you sent me that I was suddenly going to get all horny and hot and ask to see you again or what? Nah mate. It just don’t work that way.”
“Well, babe, you’ve changed my world.”
“I know. Thank me later.”
Thus, I saw I needed to write this article, so that all the men get the same frank Nixalina conversation that I thrusted upon my dearest ex boy. This is the truth dudes – we really do not care for dick pics. Even when I am madly in love with a man, I literally do not need a penis shot stored in my gallery. I 110% get off more on his face, his body – doesn’t even need to be naked or topless for me. I prefer to use my imagination.
Let’s not get this twisted, I love sex with dudes, I am completely straight and I love men and I love dicks. BUT, I categorically do not find them attractive…because…they’re not really are they? I don’t ever ever EVER look at a dick and think “Ohhhhhh yes please ram that down my throat.” I don’t ever see a dick pic and get immediately horny. I usually just giggle, or stare in disbelief and then – I SEND IT TO MY GIRLS.
That’s the next thing I need to come on to here – women are just as bad as men and if she tells you she’s never shown her mates your dick pics, she is lying. We all give it a share, either in a Whatsapp group chat or we show each other after a few drinks. Whether it’s to discuss size or just to LOL, that dick pic will get seen by many others. Ok? We’re kinky little shits too. We boast too. We show off too. Don’t be fooled gentlemen…even if she’s a good girl and the love of your life, she may have quickly flashed her best mate the phone screen once after some cocktails.
So, what about all of this the other way round, women to men? Firstly, I am well aware my naughty images have probably been seen by more than the recipient. Whilst I ask my man to be the only one viewing it, and he promises, I doubt very much whether this is ever the case. I could threaten to break-up with my boyfriend and I’m sure they’d still have a cheeky pint and a sneaky share of me topless down the pub. It’s human nature. I’d prefer it not to be the case but I am not an idiot and I understand the reasons behind the sharing. If you’re worried / concerned about anyone else seeing you naked – do not send any pictures. It’s that simple. If you send a naughty picture, be prepared to accept a third party may view it at some stage.
Now that’s dealt with – have I ever sent unsolicited pictures of myself to guys? Sure I have. In fact the guy I like at the moment (don’t tell him, he definitely doesn’t know, I 100% played it cool, totally, no idea at all) pointed out I sent one that he didn’t ask for. Yep, I did. Why?
Firstly, I look banging AF and wouldn’t care who saw it…I’d be like yesssss that’s my body and I’m proud. My Instagram has lingerie pictures everywhere so I’ve learnt to accept my body is very much in the public eye anyway.
Secondly, I’m aware guys DO love receiving pictures of girls. Requesting images minus some clothing seems to be the norm when guys are dating these days. Men are very visual when it comes to sex and pictures are often used as wank material when you’re absent. That does not mean I sext every bloke I date. Nah. Only a handful in the last 5 years have had one or two images. They should all feel bloody privileged. But never have I sent a picture and thought “I bet he doesn’t even want this.” They all want it. The less clothing, the better for men.
You see, and this is the main point to take from the article, is this fact: how we feel about dick pics is the opposite of how men feel about our nude pics. This is why we receive unsolicited dick pics because they assume we have the same reaction they get when they receive unsolicited tit pics. They love it. We don’t. They want more and more and more. We didn’t even want one. They get horny, we cringe out a bit. Sure, there are always exceptions and there are always girls who want to see as much dick as possible, but I’m talking about the majority here.
I’ve never spoke to a girl who said ‘Oh when he sent me his dick I got instantly wet’.
Usually, it goes something like “omg never guess what Jake sent me last night, check this out but be prepared to wish you can unsee things…”
Whereas men are more like “mate, check this banging rack out from a girl I met on Tinder. Can’t wait to bang it mate and suck on those tight little nipples.”
This is just life. Let’s accept it.
Dick and Tit pic rant over. Go forth and sext away…unless you got a dick. Then can you stop please?