So listen, I know I’ve pissed men off before in my years of dating. I’ve said stuff that has pissed them off, I’ve come off as too available and I’ve been dumped many times. I’ve created arguments as well as wanting to see someone more than they want me. When you’re dating, chances are, you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea who comes your way. It won’t be equal footing from the get go, and it won’t always be roses and rainbows. This is single life acceptance.
But what is unacceptable, is getting shitty and texting someone who you’ve never even met…simply because the conversation hasn’t gone your way. No bro, not cool. Especially not with someone like me – it’s never going to end well is it mate?
I’ve never, ever, blogged actual screenshots of an entire conversation before. But I am so dumbfounded and disgusted at how this online dating contact played out…I HAVE to share it with you. Fucking livid actually.
Background fill in: I met him via a Dating App and thought he seemed cute (he was smiling in most images which always makes me happy) so we matched, started chatting and swapped numbers. I wasn’t too sure on exactly where he was based as it said two locations miles apart, but, as we matched I figured we must be close-ish.
When we started chatting, I sadly got poorly. When I am poorly – you don’t come near me. That’s just how I am. I like to live in a little poorly bubble until I am fit to see the world again. This includes my social media and conversations via my phone. Just leave me be. But, with this dude, I did continue the conversation thread as much as I could, because I had every intention of planning something after I was feeling human again. I even returned his voice note, so I obviously had some interest here. But I had already started to see signs of irritable behaviour that I wasn’t too keen on, so I backed off. If someone says “I’m waiting for you to reply” and “not offering much are you” and “you only have selective responses” when I’ve not long been texting him, this is a red flag.
I then also realised he lived pretty far away and London seemed off bounds for a meeting point, so that combined with his snappy replies made me then decide to just leave it.
He had other ideas.
Please enjoy what I have had to deal with:
This is when I was interested and genuinely nice:
Oh look, I returned his voice note. I’m nice like that:
Then, his responses get a bit shitty, so I explain my genuine reasons:
Then, he leaves the ball in my court, but wait, oh, he picks up the ball again:
I once again, explain I’m poorly and BUSY, but that get’s no-where with him:
He says goodbye, but he then texts again. Okay, fine. I’ve done that before too, so I get it. That’s why I happily text back still, even though he’s been negative towards me in his last few texts.
He then tells me I’m playing the field, so now I’m annoyed (no-one wants to see me annoyed, I assure you) and decide to be a bit truthful:
SUDDENLY, I’m one of those girls who is self self self. SORRY WHAT? HOW? I have barely said anything! All I’ve done is constantly said sorry and explained my situation when he got moody. He forced me to be truthful by continuously texting me irritable messages for no reason.
HOW have I now become the rude one?
BUT WAIT HE’S NOT DONE. Now, apparently, I am used to people kissing my arse and what’s more, he’s done some weird social media stalking of me it seems:
Firstly, I haven’t paid for followers????
Secondly, why has he gone off and done some weird social stalking or something when I’ve done nothing wrong except quietly backing out of hanging out with him?
Thirdly, HOW am I up my own arse if all I’ve done is defended why I am not replying? I never once got nasty or acted like I am up myself?
Fourthly, WE’VE NEVER EVEN MET. I OWE HIM NOTHING.
I never once made promises I didn’t keep. I didn’t make a date then never show…I didn’t block him for no reason…I didn’t tell him to back off or that he was too much. I remained polite, nice and had genuine interest at the beginning to see him.
All that’s happened here, my dearest friends, is I wasn’t giving him enough attention and when he got shitty and warning signs started to show, I withdrew even more, which pissed him off. So rather than just leaving me alone, he started attacking me? WTF.
ALSO, can I just add, women these days have learnt very quickly that treat them mean, keep them keen is a factual rule of thumb. Whenever I am overly nice to a man, he gets bored. So, I have learnt THE HARD WAY through many tears and a multiple broken heart not to text them back constantly, not to reply straight away and not to be the one initiating conversation. Whenever I used to do all of those things, I’d end up hurt because they’d end up walking. So it’s built into me now to be this kind of female. This kind of female doesn’t get ditched because she got boring by being too available and too nice.
SO, don’t you then dare, dudes, lose your fucking shit with me simply because I’m not jumping all over you within the first week or so and I’m not calling you up every night asking what your first pet’s name is and whether you want two babies or three. I am this guarded and this distant FOR A REASON YOU ARSEHOLE.
Peace out homies.