Yes, it is a game. You may not want to admit it, but it IS a game. I refused to play games and was just ‘myself’ on all dates and realised over time, that this was still a game. You always project the best version of yourself on first dates and always try be oh so wonderful and delightful when you meet a man, on the hopes he’ll call.
Dating is tough, I’ll admit that. In true Charlotte from S&TC style “I’ve been dating since I was 15 I’m exhausted where IS he?” I am seriously exhausted. Dating is the one drag of being single. You have to continuously go out meet to new men and hope that they are the next decent one…shove a load of energy into it only to find out it wasn’t worth it and he is a knob, then get back on the dating horse and start all over again. Yah….I know…I’ve fucking been there. And what’s worse is, I am STILL there. Yawn.
But, it doesn’t have to be this way. We can make dating and single life the best damn years of our life. Why shouldn’t we revel in the idea that we can allow different men to take us out to woo us, maybe take us to fancy restaurants… beats the shit out of cooking for one in the kitchen! After embracing your single status the next logical step is to start enjoying dating! To put it bluntly, you have no other choice. You are single. You cannot acquire a relationship without dating first…ergo…whether you enjoy it or not, dating is what you have to do. So rather than making it a chore, just let go with it. You know the score, be a kindred spirit, free yourself, live in the moment bla bla bla. No, you don’t have to be a slut or a slag or open your legs to embrace dating (unless it takes your fancy!) but you can enjoy having different men try work for your attention and time. And damn right they should. One of the first steps to dating is, of course, actually approaching men.
Learning to Approach Men
This is a must nowadays. I’m not saying chivalry is dead but, I often wonder why so many females appear to own a bigger pair of balls than the men I encounter. Whilst it is true that the feminine approach should be to act like a prize and let our men approach us, men are often intimidated by women, especially successful ones, or they fear rejection and public humiliation so will not bother. Meh. This is lame. Approaching a man is easier than you think and if you get your mind around approaching men, you’ll be increasing your chances of ending up with decent dates – that’s just basic law of averages isn’t it. So, to aid this dating increase, here are some of my personal tips:
1. Smile. Smile before you’ve even made the decision to go over. If you clock each other’s glance and you’re smiling, he already feels warmth and good vibes from you. Standing there pouting trying to look glamorous will not aid your conquest. You just look like you’re sucking eggs. Plus, a smile can never be mistaken for something else; he will know that you are attracted to him because you’re smiling at a stranger. Usually, he will smile back, and that my lady friends is your green light. If he doesn’t smile back and turns his back on you…I’d re-think the approach.
2. Walk with Confidence. Once you’ve decided you’re going to approach your target, I mean potential man, don’t hover or tip toe just walk directly up to him. Albeit alone or surrounded by his mates, your confidence will bowl him over and will intrigue him at least. This is probably the scariest part to women and I assume that is why you’re all hesitant to go over, because walking up to a complete stranger is daunting. I get it, except also I don’t. I have no social boundaries and no issue with embarrassing myself or facing rejection. I couldn’t give a fuck.
3. Go Alone. This is surely a given but, don’t drag some mates over with you. That is too intimidating and looks you look about 12 years old. You’re not riding into battle against an opposing War Lord – you’re just walking up to a fellow male human being. You can do it, I believe in you.
4. Introduce yourself. This is crucial. Some girls start rambling on about something, or maybe pull out a chat up line, but he’ll feel so much more relaxed if you start talking after he has learnt your name. I’m usually like “Hey you, I’m Nix. Give me your hand I should probably shake it or put a pint in it” or something standard like that, to catch him a bit off guard. He still doesn’t know why I am over, so, he’ll probably shake my hand and tell me his name back. Convo has started…simples. No meerkat required.
5. If you want to skip intro, go in with a funny line. Men love a girl that can make them laugh. For some weird reason, men associate comical witty anecdotes, or ‘banter’ as it is now known, with dudes. Erm… whatever dickhead I am probably 10x more hilarious than you’ll ever be. I’ve used this one liner often and every time they text almost instantly “Hi, I’m Nix, in 15 seconds I am going to start chatting you up…so in about 5 seconds time you’ll tell me your straight and single”. They laugh and struck down by my self-confidence, I’ll leave with their national insurance number and phone digits. Yes, NI required for background check, obvi. I’m kidding (or am I?) Be cocky, confident and self-assured. If you are as nervous as Hell…fine, just fake it. They won’t know you are!
6. Ignore Fear of Rejection. So the dude turns away, walks off in a different direction, politely says thanks but no thanks or loudly proclaims he has a girlfriend. So fucking what? You’ve not lost anything, have you? You’ll never see him again and even if you do, just smile and carry on with whatever it was you’re doing. I have literally had a guy turn his back on me before, which was weird considering he was below average facially and I was just picking out the lesser of two evils (the rest of the bar looked like they’d crawled out as extras from Lord of the Rings) but he clearly felt he was too good for me! Either that or he was married, taken or gay. Anyway, the point is, it doesn’t fucking matter, does it? Like, who really cares?
7. First Impressions Count. I’m referring to your clothing. I am all for feeling comfortable and happy but, remember, if you want to approach the man for the first time, however your appearance currently is, is how he will view you. So, just ensure you look nice that’s all. Even in normal day wear or office attire, you can be casually hot. I’m not asking you to pop out to your corner shop in heels ‘just in case’ but, remember the initial presentation of ‘you’ will be printed onto his memory for the future. So imprint some hot piece of happy ass onto his mind.
8. Eye Contact. This is a must. Look that 6 pack with a head in the eye at all times. Eye contact makes you seem extremely self assured, happy and confident which are all attractive attributes for both sexes. Command the conversation with your body language.
9. Keep it Casual. Don’t delve into too much serious chat on the first meet. He doesn’t give a shit that your parents split when you were 5 and this made it difficult for you to realise a dream of a long lasting marriage, or that your first pet died when you were a teenager and it threw you off your studies. He doesn’t care that you’re naturally a brunette but currently have highlights due to Summer, or that when you were younger you often thought you’d become a Vet but can’t stand blood so then you wanted to be a dental nurse but hate teeth so now you’re in admin. You want to keep it light and casual, talking enough but not over the top. Allow him time to respond, and allow him space to command the conversation.
10. Keep it Brief. If you’ve approached him first, you’ve already done all the hard work. Now, you’ve got to allow him to take over. Keep the conversation brief, and walk away first. Basically, you want to waltz on over to him, offer your name along with your obvious wit and sexuality, then swiftly leave.
11. P.s digit swapping. I’m a bolshy overly confident individual who offers my digits to beautiful men way too often; I suspect it is actually better to hold off and walk away, in the hopes he will ask for your number. I mean if you offer it and he takes your digits but never texts then… once again, no love lost. At least you’d know for sure.