The Douchebag & Why Girls Love Them

There’s a big question that seems to plague the female dating world (well that’s the impression I get from hearing time and time again from the girls I know) ‘Why do I always fall for the wrong guy?’ a.k.a the douchebag! It’s definitely a tricky one and the first few douchbags can be hard to spot, but once you’ve dated a couple of guys with very similar attributes then it’s time to seriously sit down and have a good talk with yourself.

Not your girlfriends because they’ll say things that will set you back like ‘He couldn’t handle you because you’re so great’ or ‘He was intimidated by your success’ or ‘He was probably falling for you so he got scared and bailed’ I’m sorry but this is a load of horse shit! He got what he wanted and then left, end of!.

Anyway… So the girl-friends I know seem to have the worst luck in men, but when I hear about all these guys and what they did to them it sounds like there’re all dating the exact same guy. What makes it worse is that some of them are fully aware of this, yet it doesn’t seem to sink in to just, STOP DATING THIS TYPE OF GUY!!

So why are girls drawn to the douchebag? And then become surprised when the douchebag gets what he wants and disappears from existence? First off douchebags have one clear goal, to see you naked and have sex. Shallow yes, egotistical yes, immature yes. (I could go on but you get the point.) So why do girls fall for it? Because on the flip side, these douchebags have the charm and sophistication of George Clooney, they know how to treat you like a princess so he can undoubtedly get what he wants – you into bed! It’s sad, but true. 

Girls fall for these charming men time and time again only to have their hearts broken time and time again. It’s hard to believe now (for anyone that knows me) but some years back I was a teenage douchebag, I was 18 and spent months playing the heart strings of a beautiful girl because all I wanted was to see her naked and have sex. I tried anything and everything yet somehow she managed to turn me into wanting a relationship and we ended up spending six and a half great years together. There’s always an exception to the douchebag rule but don’t get your hopes up, you probably won’t be able to change him no matter how hard you try. I guess this also leads into the bad boy that every girl wants to change, and be that special someone to make him settle and stay faithful to you…. this probably won’t happen either! Sorry.

So how do you tell if he’s a douchebag? Sometimes it’s hard to tell because he’ll say the right things, do the right things, open doors for you, buy you flowers and be the perfect gentleman with no signs up until he gets what he wants, you into bed. He may sleep with you numerous times or just the once, depending how good you are in bed or who else might be on the horizon. But then will come the inevitable ‘I don’t think this is working out’ or ‘I don’t do relationships’ or ‘I’m moving to Yemen’ (Nice one Chandler Bing). The trick is to spot the subtle signs or even the HUGE ones in some cases, then you have ask yourself ‘Do I want to continue on this the road with him?’

Spotting the Douchebag Signs

1. If he asks you for a photograph within the first couple weeks of meeting him whether it’s a semi or full-blown legs behind your head naked photo…he’s clearly just weighing up how much effort he needs to put in, into getting you into bed that is. Douche.

2. If he’s kind enough to actually let you know that he doesn’t want to commit, normally this will come after you’ve slept with each other but you were good enough in the sack that he wants to come back for seconds… and probably thirds. As hard as it is, don’t think ‘If I carry on sleeping with him, he’ll fall for me and we can live happier ever after’ because this only happens in the movies!

3. If after the first couple of dates he would rather stay in at yours or his apartment, showing no real desire to play outside because in side is where he wants to be with you. It is closer to the bed of course. Also if you haven’t slept together yet expect him to bring wine and cook for you. If you have slept together don’t expect him to do either!

4. If he needs to travel to you because you live an hour away (Nixalina I’m looking at you) don’t take this sign as an indication he’s madly into you. Guys will travel huge distances just for sex. They’ll trek the scorching sands of the Sahara desert with no more than a teaspoon of water just to get a half decent handjob.

5. And if he comes across too good to be true, he probably is. The problem with the perfect guy is the perfect guy isn’t a real guy. The real guy will say the wrong things, seem nervous from time-to-time, he wants to impress you but he also wants to show you who he really is! But I guess girls aren’t after a real guy; they’re after the perfect guy? Quite the conundrum don’t you think?

There are many more tell-tale signs but these should throw up a big red flag in front of your face, and then you can decide what you want to do next. Which I’m guessing is carry on and hope he’ll change for you.

One thing I’m sure of is that girls already know all of this, but for some reason they go against their better judgment in that everlasting search for ‘True Love’. You ignore all the signs, all the hints. And don’t tell me you don’t know a douchebag when you meet one because you can easily pick out a ‘nice guy’ when you meet one. How do I know? Because I’m one of those nice guys, not that it’s a bad thing but it can easily lead into the dreaded ‘Friend Zone’ (That’s a whole new topic, I’m getting side tracked) the point is you know a nice guy when you meet one so why do you deny knowing a douchebag when you meet one?.

Maybe it’s just a rite of passage girls must go through to really appreciate their knight in shining armour when he comes along. What I’m damn sure about is, while girls continue to entertain douchebags, then douchebags will always be around!

By Matthew Hamby


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