Sex toys are a single girl’s best friend. This is no secret these days as we’re now more open and accepting of sexual pleasures, meaning the vibrator doesn’t have to hide its head in shame (excuse the pun, I couldn’t help myself). Vibrators are great for couples and single people alike – many are used during sex for a heightened stimulation experience. But are they having any kind of detrimental affect on the orgasm itself?
It’s not been something widely discussed or researched but the odd press article every year will pop up about it. Whilst there doesn’t seem to be a huge scientific back-up to claim vibrators are desensitizing the clit, it seems to be a conclusion some women have come to. I being one of them.
I had a vibrator way before I became a sex blogger by trade. Taking a trip to Ann Summers seemed to be some teenage right of passage – bundling in as a bunch of giggling school girls and nervously buying the smallest cheapest bullet around. I personally didn’t touch or use any until I was at university, and even then I didn’t understand it. You see, it wasn’t until I was 21 that I even knew how to cum properly. I hadn’t had an orgasm until I was 21! Yeah, I know. But once my boyfriend coaxed it out of me…well I haven’t stopped since.
Whilst they’re incredible for a quick, easy and self satisfying orgasm for anyone without a partner, vibrators seem to ‘numb’ the genitals after constant and long term use. This was something I discovered over the winter months when I was still having sex and before I made my vow of no sex. The guy I was with couldn’t get me to cum anymore. I used to be able to cum through oral but now, I’m always so close but never get there. The poor dude probably got jaw ache waiting for an orgasm he earned but never got. Then comes the awkward “just let me finish off with the rabbit” which, I can imagine, doesn’t do much for his self esteem or erection. It’s absolutely NO reflection at all on his skills or my feelings for him, it’s just my clit feels like the sensitivity it had before has vanished. It would literally now take a hammer to get me to go “Oh, yes, keep it there I’m ready.” So if I’m not dating Thor, I’m not cumming with a guy then…
The longer I am single, the more I use my vibrator, the harder it becomes to cum with a guy. I used to be absolutely okay with getting off in the sack, but these days the guy isn’t cutting it for me. It seems I have mastered the ‘busy girl’s orgasm routine’ keeping myself happy within 10 minutes. Then it’s back to business with some blogging or yoga.
This proper sucks. This is not the ideal. I don’t think I need some external scientist and a national survey to explain to me that there is a direct correlation between my daily over-use of a vibrator vs a lack of orgasm with a man. The guy last year actually demanded I binned the vibrators and threatened to confiscate them all. I say all because, you know, I have a whole storage room full. I politely explained he’d need an empty boot to be able to carry them all away. I then insisted I would stop. I didn’t.
Remember when Charlotte from SATC got addicted to her vibrator and needed an interfriention? Oh hello my actual life:
When you’re single and you’ve not had it in a while, the temptation for the easy buzz and self-release is just too much. Since my sexual abstinence vow, you can imagine just how often I use the toys these days. It’s all got too much. I miss gasping for air when he touches me, or feeling his tongue and being like…oh my god. Now all I’m thinking is ‘he’ll get bored soon and I can pull a self-quickie after’.
Perhaps my life has become so self sufficient and so independent, my body is phasing out the need for a man too? God I hope not, how depressing. Even my own vagina is working out it can do it better without a penis around. Whilst my vow of sexual abstinence is in place to turn around my dating and love life, perhaps I need to now extend this to a vow of vibrator abstinence too? Does my clit need a break? But then, how on earth am I meant to orgasm? Perhaps it’s time I found out.