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Sex & Love

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Why I'm Swapping #ThugLife for #HighLife

No, this isn’t an article on how I grew up in the streets, in the ghetto, lived a #gunlife and #thuglife as a teenager and now I’m living the #highlife poppin’ bottles in the West End.  Quite the opposite actually – I was a Grammar school kid rocking a blazer and a tie (tie must be done up to the top and at least 7 stripes long). I’m talking about the men I choose to date.

For reasons I cannot even fathom anymore, I’ve spent the last two years dating guys younger than me. We’re talking 21, 22 and 23 year olds. I’m WELL AWARE men mature much later than women and yet, I seem drawn (or vice versa) to dudes with the mental age of 17 year olds. I’ll take it as a compliment…physically I do not look 28 years old. Hold the botox baby. But these boys, yes they’re boys, that I attempt to engage in something stable with, want to be acting like they’re gangsters and living the thug life. What even IS that?

Age is just a number and I know individuals vary. But the ones I’ve met?  They all be hashtagging thug life on their instagram pictures or at the end of tweets. Don’t even get me started on #ballin. Urgh. What even is THAT all about too? Whilst this is all exciting and attractive and dangerous to the young people of today…I am sooooOoooOOoooOoooo beyond over it all. 

Firstly, being the kind of guy who prides himself on being a thug, or ballin, or having swag is NOT the kind of man I want to be associated with.  I didn’t go through all that damn education and rack up student debt just to then date a guy who doesn’t do much except play fifa and go party with his mates…nor do I want to hear down the end of the phone someone got stabbed at his mate’s club night, or that he got bashed up for hitting on a girl another week on. WHY would anyone think to tell a girl that? Am I supposed to be concerned? Impressed? No…I’m kinda disgusted and turned off. Don’t even get me started on the texts and facebook messages and tweets they send. IF I CAN’T ACTUALLY READ IT, IT’S NOT ACTUAL ENGLISH. “Wagwam fam cuzzy bin out bru yeah blud hit me up been ballin for honeyz” Ohhhh okay, sure, you sound like a stand up guy. Not. Sorry, I mean Nawt. 

Secondly, guys who enjoy running around town doing what they wish and enjoying being a thug or acting like they’re from the streets won’t really treat you very well. Unless you enjoy being second to his mates or enjoy being bumped for a lads night out which…usually…ends up in a fight at a bar. Sure. If that’s your bag then that’s great but it’s not for me. Most gentlemen would avoid fights at all costs and laugh at any boy boasting of a thug life. And so, you see, that’s the difference between boys and men;

Thug Life vs High Life. Swag vs Style.

It takes dating a real man for girls to see how childish their ex boys are. Sure, at the beginning it’s all fun and exciting, and the mind fuck games keep you on your toes….but there will always come a time you just go “enough is enough” and search for someone with a bit more substance, stability and style. Call me a snob if you will, but I am in search for a man who has ambition, career drive, who wants to take me out to nice places, who surprises me with champagne dinners, who can ease any financial worries we both may have and who has discovered decent loving relationships are far more rewarding than going out, getting pissed up, fighting or fucking whores. 

It actually feels like, these days guys pride themselves on treating girls badly. That being a thuglife lover means you can cheat on your girlfriend, or have 5 different birds dotted all over the joint.  It feels like guys enjoy acting like a tosser to women. Using girls then dropping them, having a missus at home but hooking up at the weekend with some tart is all part of being a #baller. Guys almost lose respect for other guys who treat their girls well and who want to show affection, love and respect. Since when did being decent to women and showing respect to girls become something to be ashamed of?  If you use me for sex, then ditch me and move onto something else…you think that’s being a #baller? No, that’s being a cunt. Chivalry is well and truly lost. But I am on the hunt to find it again. 

Whilst age doesn’t always apply to sweeping statements, I do believe that the older the man, the more likely he’ll actually be a man. If you’re finding yourself in a similar pattern as I and getting absolutely no where, maybe date men your age or plus, but no younger. It’s like I had a weekend epiphany (which I did) but I look back on all my recent loves and cringe myself out that I ever thought they would be suitable. I was, once upon a time, attracted to the drama, danger and damaging ‘dapper’ boys but now I want the complete opposite. I had a taste of the highlife and it tastes GOOD. Bad boys are fun for your early twenties but they soon become boring, predictable and their instability becomes the biggest turn off of all. 

When I was 21, I had to take emergency calls from my fiance and drive to the pub to find him, then bundle his blood covered chav mates into the back of my car and drop them all home. I had to listen to his stories of knocking someone out with a pool cue. You think I wanted those miscreants any where near me or my car? No. I did it for him. For love. And look how that turned out in the end! 7 years on, I am DONE with that life. DONE DONE DONE. It doesn’t impress me, it makes me pity you and hope one day you grow out of it.  What impresses me is a man who has his shit together, who irons his own shirts, who runs his own business, who lives in his own place and who chooses to suggest a picnic in a park rather than wait for me to beg him to do something romantic. 

I will note, I of course am not an angel of angels. Yes, I have done things in the past that I regret.  I don’t pretend to be little miss public school girl Sally with straight As, library books instead of DVDs and her virginity in tact. But what I have done, which apparently half the male population haven’t quite mastered yet…is grow up. It’s time soon for all the ‘wannabe thug life’ losers to do the same too. 


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