It’s not like I demand immediate exclusivity. I appreciate love and emotions take time to form between two people. Trust doesn’t just instantly appear either. Everything involved with falling in love has to grow. I also do not live in ignorance and assume that I am the only person these single men are talking to. However, if I find out they’re entertaining other girls in the similar vein of our courtship…then I walk away.
You see, I’m an old romantic. I don’t believe in having various different men on the go all at once. Options lead to indecision. Options mean you don’t give one your full worth, because you’re having to spread yourself across many. Options mean you can disregard someone easier as you have a ‘back-up’ rather than putting in any real effort. Options lead to weird behaviour which leads to trust issues. Options, for me, are not an option.
My best friend always tries to convince me to date multiple guys at once. She says I latch on too quickly to just one person, and it becomes difficult then for the guy to keep up. If I had many on the go, I can dilute my attention and appear ‘mysterious’ thus offering an attractive attribute to all men involved. But what about long term? Well, apparently, you find out which is your favourite and if they’re acting like they deserve you, then you commit when they commit. I can see the appeal for this way of life. It definitely works on paper.
But it doesn’t work for me in actual real-life dating. Mainly because I cannot offer real feelings to more than one person at once. If I dated 3 men in a month, for instance, I’d already know which one gives me the shivers and I’d see it completely pointless to continue to date the other two. Why bother? I’ve already recognised who I want. Whereas many many people continue to date all 3 anyway to avoid boredom / loneliness / hurt / they simply love all the attention. They already know though, truly, who they want. The heart wants what it wants after all. So at least 2 people in this equation will end up getting hurt. I try avoid that at all costs.
When did one girl become not enough?
If the man I am dating is brutally honest and explains he’s talking / seeing other girls, all I can think is – urgh. If we’ve been spending time on the phone, texting all day, sexting or even sending each other photos…I do not expect to know this is happening with a hoard of other girls too. It makes everything seem unspecial and frankly, fake. I’m not here for your entertainment dude. I know my worth. If you’re not into just me, then you’re not into it at all.
You see, how many of you have said “Oh I wish I had a love like my grandparents, they’re been married for most of their life”? Yeah, loads. I know…I’ve done the same. Their generation had it right when it came to love. Dating actually meant something back then, and words spoken were not said lightly. Nobody seemed to need to date loads of people to fulfil any ego. Dates were not about hoping for a shag either. Dates were about finding out about someone you think you could eventually share a life with. Their love lasts decades because it was founded on something pure and organic, with trust and loyalty offered from the get go.
These days everyone lives by a completely twisted set of romance rules. Aforementioned loyalty and trust is out of the window. If my dude goes away every weekend and blocks me on whatsapp or screens my calls…how can he possibly then expect me to feel any trust or loyalty towards him? I wasn’t born in the Dark Ages dear. In fact, being somewhat of a Dating Expert, I kinda know a lot more than you think. But thanks for trying to lie your way constantly through it all dude! Was amusing to watch.
These new romance rules always trip me up. I’m an old soul when it comes to love, so I struggle to fit in. Since when was it okay to request sex or a blowjob on a first date? When was the word ‘date’ amended to ‘hook up’? Why is it ever okay to expect a girl to send you naked images but then be receiving them off at least another two girls? I know my exes had secret apps that stored dirty received pictures on their phone, so girls couldn’t catch them out. Unfortunately, they dated me. So they were immediately busted. Did you expect anything less?
When I say Im crunching on a guy, this doesn’t mean I am in love. It means I have feelings for that singular person. If I am crunching on a dude I categorically cannot and will not spread myself around to date or sleep with others. I am loyal from the moment I decide I have feelings for that person. Why shouldn’t I be? Since when was loyalty bad? If he’s managed to capture some of my feelings and most of my attention then he deserves my sole focus for however long it pans out. It may be a month. It may be six. The length of time doesn’t matter – I’ll always stay faithful REGARDLESS if we’ve not had the EXCLUSIVE conversation. I’m a 28 year old mature woman, I do not need to have a ‘chat’ to be exclusive. Either I’m fucking you and just you, or I’m not at all. There is no multiple accounts or hidden apps or template sexts on my smartphone.
The struggle is real, my dearest reader, because how can you expect men to also value the old romance rule just because you do? How do you say “that made me sad to know I’m not the only girl” without sounding like you think they’re your boyfriend already? Rest assured, I do NOT want to be anyone’s wifey just yet. I’m not emotionally there. I’m not ready. But at the same time I don’t want to know that my guy shares my bed Friday-Sunday and then shares someone else’s Monday-Thursday. I mean, let’s be honest, who actually does want that? That’s just shit. And if this is how it does start off then if and when you eventually are exclusive, you’ll never truly trust the little fucker.
I guess all I can do is continue to live by the old romance rules and hope that one day I meet the man who sees me worthy of a similar respect back. I haven’t met him yet and I am not holding my breath on it happening any time soon, trust me.