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Sex & Love

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First Date Rules

So now you’ve got over approaching a man and you’ve bagged yourself a first date… what on Earth happens now? Shit yourself a bit? Probably…especially if he’s a fine catch and you’ve decided he is way out of your league. STOP.

Wait a second… remember what we’ve previously covered (see every article I’ve ever written). No man is above you, and no man will make you feel unworthy. You are wonderful, in control and a beautiful catch, and he must already see some of that in you to be going on a first date with you. Remember if you’re on a date, he is keen / interested. Let’s keep it that way.

1. Don’t push the date. Yes, I know I said approach him but, if you have done the initial spark you now need to sit back and let him ask you. Or, if he approached you first…still let him chase you. You are an object to acquire in his eyes… so allow him the room to acquire you!  If you always think to yourself that everything really does happen for a reason, then you can chill out in the knowledge that if you’re meant to date this guy, it will happen. 

2. Don’t overdress. Women make this mistake all the time. Men don’t want to see you all dolled up as if you were going clubbing… because that isn’t the right occasional attire. You need to be all means dress well, and play to your feminine curves, but do not look like you’re going clubbing.  Short dresses, especially bodycons, and high heels are a no-go.  Perfect for West End nightlife, not perfect for a first date.  You need to seem like you are effortlessly attractive and can stroll up to a date with charm and natural beauty.  If you overdress you look way too try-hard. 

3. Allow him to make the arrangements. He needs to show he is interested, and making first date arrangements will always allow you to see a side of his personality too. Does he just wanna go get drunk? Does he suggest dinner first? Maybe a movie? A museum trip? His suggestion will offer you an insight into him, which is valuable information about the man you’re now dealing with.  If his first date suggestion is to head straight back to his place to ‘chill’ the chances are, you’ve got a one-night fuck on your hands.  I wouldn’t even entertain the idea unless that is all you’re after too, then full steam ahead my love.  

4. Don’t get drunk. This is IMPORTANT! One to two drinks maximum allowed on a first date. If you get drunk it leads a shit impression of you, and you’re more likely to lose your inhibitions and, in blunt words, fuck him. Then… it’s disappearance act numero one. Stay composed and sober.  No-one wants to date the girl who is falling into the gutter, singing Beyonce’s ‘Listen’ to anyone in earshot – they probably wish they wasn’t listening.   

5. Don’t fuck him. Yes, this leads nicely on from the previous comments. Do NOT fuck on the first date. Even if he says all the right things…even if he declares his forever love…even if going back to his would be a 5 minute journey but going back to yours would be over an hour, do NOT fuck him. If you want to see this guy again, you hold off sex for as long as possible. The only way you’re allowed to fuck on a first date is if you only want sex for self-gratification Samantha Jones style, then it’s allowed. Other than that, no!  What kind of girl do you come across as, if you happily open your legs on the first evening of seeing him?  He’ll just assume, and rightly so, that you’re also this liberal with every man you encounter.  Then you get the easy lay aka slut label stamped on your forehead, and there it will stay. 

6. Don’t offer to pay. Yes I am all for equality, but, I fear chivalry is dying and we are aiding the passing. Let him pay. Often you feel you’re doing good but actually, you’re emasculating him and asserting yourself a little TOO much by protesting that you must take the bill. Let him assume the role he wants to assume. Then, you can offer to pay second date if he makes it that far, and at that point if hes a good egg he’ll pay again or go Dutch.

7. Don’t overstay your welcome. First dates should be a couple of hours long, 4 tops. Not for any other reason except that he needs to long for your company after the date is over.  You want to keep the enigmatic ideal of you going, and if he’s discovered your entire existence in one evening, this ideal will quickly diminish. You want to ensure you have a wonderful time together, and then exit so that he is left thinking of you and texting you as soon as he feels he can.

8. Do be open and honest, but don’t overspill your life. You have to keep conversation flowing but don’t tell him all of your darkest secrets within 10 minutes of hanging out. You need to be aware you don’t know this man nor trust him, so any of your past or long life lessons are of no concern to him.  Also, he doesn’t give a shit that your dog’s name is Plato after an ancient philosopher, or that your old car had 6 gears but you never used the 6th one because you were too scared.  He also probably doesn’t give a fuck that you were 11 when you first kissed a guy, or that you wished you took Drama more seriously so you could have become an actress.  Not really… he doesn’t need to know all of this crap on a first date.  Zip it. 

9. Avoid food that can get stuck in your teeth. Seriously… anything with herbs or chopped chives – avoid. You don’t wanna be sitting there with a whole shrubbery in your teeth and not know. Awkward.

10. Feel free to leave at any time. This is one we overlook. If he’s a twat, get the fuck out of there. My last actual date lasted 32 minutes, and I am GLAD I bolted.  The one before that, only 62 minutes long.  When I know, I just know, and I get the Hell out of there. You don’t owe him anything and remember whatever fairytale you painted in your head…the reality of this date has not lived up to it. If he’s a knob, just make your excuses and leave. If it is obvious it is an excuse… give a fuck? You certainly don’t.  You’re not going to see him again!  Unless he’s like, your neighbour or your brother’s best mate then maybe stay to a polite time frame and explain so nicely the next day that you’re just too good friends to be lovers. Phew.


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