Oh haiiiii reader. Listen, feel free to judge after you hear this but – I’ve never been to a festival. Like, ever. It’s not because I didn’t want to or because I think they’re just filled with the great unwashed or anything…I just haven’t. Well that is until I went to We Are Festival on Saturday in Essex. Hitting up VIP guestlist with my best girl DDJ, I figured it’s time I actually went to one of these things. You know, to see what all the fucking festival fuss is about.
Here’s what We Are Festival taught me:
1. You can go to a remote field in the outskirts of Essex miles away from central London and miles away from Kent, but you STILL will bump into your recent ex boyfriend’s best mates in a tent crammed with other humans. Does this world have to really be that small ffs?
2. I can have a wee standing up over dude’s urinal. Yes, I can. Yes, I did.
3. British just really love to queue. Any chance to create a queue and we’re there, waiting in it.
4. I can’t stand dance or trance or dub step or electro music shit.
5. I am more of a Princess than I first thought.
6. Paying £5 for a small can of Bulmers is kinda okay when you really need to just get drunk.
7. Dannika’s hair stands out so I can never ever lose her in crowds.
8. Dannika’s clothes now fit me, which probably means I’ve lost a stone. Yes, I have.
9. VIP doesn’t mean VIP any more. It just means you can pretend to feel like a VIP. When really, you just had the longer queue. But you don’t moan too loud about it because you’re British.
10. I can’t dance to techno shit. I just can’t. A side step is not a dance. Nor is gurning your face off either.
11. So many teenagers are try-hards these days. And fashion clones too by the looks of it.
12. Dannika is the best human I’ve ever met and I love her so much…perhaps too much? Yes I am obsessed.
13. Dannika, even after being drunk since midday, can make me the best dinner in the entire world. Like, ever.
14. I’d just rather go to a nice club with music I can dance to and drinks worth the price tag, wearing nice clothes and high heels and staying inside and warm and surrounded by men who look good and who aren’t slipping into a k-hole.
15. I’m not going to go to a festival again…like ever.
Here are my snaps with my baby girl from the day: