Now when you hear the word Seminar, you mind may jump to dreary and dull University halls or a boring office conference room. But this particular Seminar, was far from it. Taking place in the incredibly sophisticated Martini Library at The Arch Hotel, London, I was immediately greeted upon arrival by a cool glass of Prosecco, and an enveloping hug from our Hostess.
Instead of the usual snacks, Just Singles had organised a candy cart to be set up by Nuts About Sweets, containing everyone’s favourites, including strawbs, white mice and love hearts. Accompanied by seemingly endless bottles of Prosecco and the delicious Sex & London City branded cupcakes by With A Cherry On The Top that arrived later, a girl could not have asked for much more.
But not only that, huge pink goodie bags were perched on each chair in the elaborately sophisticated room where the Seminar was held, each containing a WeVibe vibrator (nice!), Skins condoms and vibe ring, Freya lingerie and personal training voucher. Again, what more could a single girl want? Finally, it was time for Nixalina to take to the stage; tall, sexy and glamorous. Nixalina opened by discussing the question that will have plagued a woman’s mind at some point during her life: “Why am I single?” But instead of listing possible reasons, she took a more firm and positive approach.
“I say no. Stop questioning it. You cannot alter your past and you cannot predict your future, so why continue to internally torment yourself over things way beyond your control?”
Moving on to another analogy women have heard, and hate by the way, The Crazy Cat Lady. Nixalina argued against the stereotype of single women and quite fairly pointed out the lack of a Crazy Dog Man. Drop the stereotypes, ditch the biological clock, don’t adopt the army of cats and embrace being single. I listened to Nixalina speak in front of us all as a woman who has endured her fair share of heartbreak, but has resisted the stereotypes that hold so many back and stuck up a firm middle finger to those who tell her that her “biological clock is ticking.”
Being single, she continued to tell us, is a sign of strength, rather than a weakness, of “refusing to take the first loser that drifts into your path as your husband.” Learn to put a value on yourself, and to appreciate yourself and to know that you deserve the very best.
Karma. If you read Nixalina’s articles or follow her on Twitter then you may have noticed that she is a huge fan of Karma. “If you put your heart and soul into something, your return on this will be tenfold.” She encouraged everyone in the room not to lament over past relationships, but to accept the open future and put a lot of positive energy into enjoying your life, in order to get an amazing return. And on that positive note of embracing single life with open arms, we adjourned for a short break, aka, Prosecco refills, cupcakes and canapés.
Now, Nixalina knows about dating, you’ll understand if you’ve read her hilarious Sex and London City articles. She has been coined a Dating Expert and trust me on this, she deserves the title. But this also means she knows a lot about men, and she started the second half of her seminar by declaring that the Dating Game is in fact just that; a Game. And although she admits that sometimes she feels as though she’s exhausted at dating (quoting the iconic SATC “I’ve been dating since I was 15, I’m exhausted, where IS he?”), she has learned to make dating fun, and just enjoy that she is free.
“I often wonder why so many females appear to own a bigger pair of balls than the men I encounter,” Nixalina mused, and this was the exact message she wanted the women present to take away. Swallow your fear, down that shot (for Dutch courage of course) and stride straight over to that cute guy in the bar. Don’t be afraid of rejection, just flash your best smile and do it. Worst that happens, he says he’s not interested. Best that happens, you get a number/free drink! So, you’ve got the guy. You handed over your digits and he called and you’re on date number one. As an expert in this general area (sorry, Nix!), Nixalina provided some excellent tips on what to do and not to do when on a first date.
Don’t be needy, don’t be possessive and don’t show off, were just a few handy tips on her do not list. On the do list were, relax, be yourself, compliment him and give him the benefit of the doubt. One of the afternoon’s most essential pieces of advice was in Nixalina’s do column: let him be the dog.
“He is the dog, you are the stick.”
And the lesson from this excellent piece of analogy is, don’t just drop yourself at his feet. Like a puppy with a stick, he won’t want to play with you. For men, much like puppies, the thrill is in the chase of the stick. Take yourself out of reach, and he will come bounding after you, tail wagging and drooling all over you. Well, in some sense of those words.
Love yourself. That was the main message women at Nixalina’s Single Girls Seminar took away, and it was easy to do so, as the words came from a woman who holds her head high and walks with confidence, embracing her single-ness and loving life. And now I may not be a single woman, but as I left to get the train back to the North, clutching several bags of stolen pick and mix and a another bag full of pleasure aids (thank YOU Nixalina!), I realised that her messages weren’t just for the single ladies in the room, but that everyone out there should love themselves, put their heart and soul into everything that makes them happy and just enjoy their life, the very same way our favourite socialite does.
By Megan Crehan