Rules to Sending Sexts

Sexts, or ‘sexy-texts’ in the longer version, is a common terminology thrown about in the modern world of dating and relationships.  Albeit simple flirty texts, or explicit worded texts or the typical self-taken topless/lingerie MMS text, they’re as dangerous as juggling with knifes yet I bet my savings anyone who has owned a phone has sent one to a significant other.  

But why send sexts? What does the sendee hope to achieve and when is it okay to send a sext; does he have to be a ‘seeing’ guy, a ‘in a serious relationship’ guy or your fiancée to trust him enough to receive such an exposed sext?  I mean think about it, how well do you know this person, and will the photo of you with your rack out end up as an email attachment or passed around the pub on a Friday night?  Let’s go a lil deeper shall we…

I put out a tweet to my lovely followers, asking what they feel about the aforementioned subject and I was pretty surprised at the responses – mainly because everyone seemed pro-sexts.  I think only one person said no, and the rest said go for it.  Heck, why not?  It’s harmless flirting and it can make the day fly quicker.  It also keeps a little romance going in a long-term relationship and there is nothing like coming home to your man having had some lunch-time banter and pictures to keep the smile on your faces. 

HOWEVER, when the relationship fails (not if, but when in my cynical manner) he has those bad boys saved on his blowa and can do considerable damage to your rep.  How many times do you think a relationship once loving has gone sour and the naked sexts have ended up being posted onto a social networking site and embarrassed the sendee no end?  The answer is too many times.  From my point of view, I’ve been ‘so so so in love’ with ex boyfriends who, once we split, turned into something that resembled the Gruffalo and I wouldn’t put it past them to have shown/sent pictures around to cause me embarrassment.  That is what a bad break up does to you; ruins all affection for the other person and draws out your inner demon.  Not cool.

Then, people, you also have to take into consideration when to send sexts (if you simply can’t stop yourself). Say, you meet a hot guy and you’ve dated him twice and he sends a suggestive message that implies a sext response from you – worded or photo.  Do you do it?  In the heat of the moment you want to, but what if he then, without thinking about it, has a different opinion of you because you were so willing to hand out the sexts like a Big Issue.  Yes, it may be a turn on (they are, we know they are) but if you’re after something serious will it ruin your chances to be seen as a respectful lady?  God I wish I had the answers, but only a dude can really know the outcome to a sext!

I spoke to one of my boy mates who is 1) very good looking 2) single and 3) in the media industry so basically, the perfect eligible bachelor.  He said that, flirting texts are quite normal and it’s a great build up so why not.  It’s the modern communication and can actually be quite a turn on.  When I asked if it would change his opinion of a girl, he said it doesn’t matter about texts as it’s just normal behaviour and all guys hint and flirt on texts; if the girl naturally starts flirting back then that’s cool.  He did say, however, and this is a direct quote “as long as it’s not something rank like a close up of her kitty.”  He also said don’t just send a topless shot straight off either, always leave something to the imagination as that is the very essence of a sext – the more frustration the better.  (He’s a great friend btw, I grilled him over this and I think he’s been wonderfully honest).

In light of his opinon, of my collated tweet evidence and my own personal knowledge, I’ve created a little ‘guide’ I think we should all refer to when wishing to send/receive a good ol’ sext.  Enjoy!

Nixalina’s Sexts Guide

1. Ensure you know a fair bit about the dude first; I’d always give a 3 month rule to dating him before sending a sext.  It ensures you have a connection first and he isn’t just a skank after a photo for his wank bank.

2. Don’t send a photo sext out of the blue, in response to his ‘Hi how was your lunch’ or something similar message.  You have to have flirty chat going on first, otherwise you look a bit weird.

3. Don’t send a photo of you fully naked, or a ‘close up of the kitty’ and I’d say topless allowed only in a secure relationship.  Men are very visual but they also want to always discover things for themselves; they need to always be ‘chasing’ something.  

4. Always feed off of him.  If he’s keeping the flirty texts more on the casual side, you do the same.  If he sends a photo of his ripped torso, then fair’s fair you can send a lingerie one back.  But to ensure he definitely doesn’t view you as ‘easy’, let him lead.

5. Never send a sext to multiple numbers at one go, you hussy!  I had a handset once that could view all the numbers a photo image was sent to – I got sent a topless photo from a guy who I hadn’t even dated at that point and when I looked it was sent at the same time to another number, yuk!  (True story btw, how funny!).

6. Always double check the recipient – I’ve heard of horror stories of people accidentally sending a sext to their mum.  Awkward.

7. If you are unsure but feel a lil naughty, send a shot that excludes the head…that way, if he turns out to be an asshole and the photo pops up in the facebook mini feed – you can always keep your 3D head held high and deny the 2D version was actually you.  Score.



  1. JB
    November 4, 2012 / 6:22 pm

    I've only been in one relationship where sexts were used and they did pose a viable point in the relationship they were tasteful pictures and descriptive text and while I still have then on an old phone I wouldn't ever dream of sharing them with anyone. They added that element of surprise and it was her way of letting me know what was waiting for me and boy did they work I'd rush to get to her to show my appreciation ;-).

  2. Anonymous
    November 4, 2012 / 6:48 pm

    hahahaha LOVE IT!!!

  3. Anonymous
    November 6, 2012 / 4:14 pm

    I think it comes down to trust and whether you believe it in. If you trust someone enough to send them to them and know that they won't send them if you split up, then there's nothing wrong with it. However, there are ways of sending sexts and still remaining a lady… Pictures that are not explicit and texts that tease rather than look like a chapter out of 50 shades…It's all about getting the balance right, like you would with the rule "Don't get your boobs out if you have all your legs out".

  4. Dom Decyfa
    November 12, 2012 / 10:33 pm

    Haha you are aware of my opinion on the matter 😀 x

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