I have been switching my mind daily about whether to write this piece for the past two months. It’s my private life, y’know? However, I received an email from a sweet girl discussing the fact that she reads my ‘Malone’ articles for strength when her beau is treating her the same…so I figured this story needs telling…it has an explosive ending for sure! Read on…
Jamie B (Oops..I mean Malone, silly me!) and I didn’t finish when I said we did here. I intended to walk away…but believing that I actually did love him, I stayed around hoping shit might change. I was fucking fed up with the ‘crazy ex’ interfering with us…but convinced that he was just wanting to get rid of her and she was clinging onto a noose, I rolled with it. I’m an intelligent woman, but sometimes ignorance is fucking bliss! When we are together, everything is grand. To the point where he can’t sit opposite me at the table without needing my leg on his lap or stroking my face – a lil full on but I liked it. I figured that, the days and days after our dates where he didn’t bother texting was just his way of handling his emotions because there is NO WAY a guy could fake that emotion with me…it was real, Right? Wrong.
A significant week in the demise of our fucked up relationship was back in July. Keeping his Tuesday and Thursday nights free to ‘work late’ or work on whatever current girl he has, he told me he couldn’t see me the Tuesday, but planned for Thursday. When calling him Tuesday night for a chat…he ignored me and then sent me a facebook pm (why didn’t he just text back?) to let me know he had worked so late and got home and didn’t feel like calling back as it was all pressure. He pissed me off during the week again (it doesn’t take much!) so I bailed on the Thursday too. I gave him a bell Thursday night though for a chat…did he pick up? Did he fuck. I get a call Friday evening suggesting we hook up Sunday…I can come stay at his, and he’d finally do my tattoo. Lest we not forget I have been with this guy for 6 months now and convinced I love him soooo…that’s half an excuse for my ignorance and naivety.
Sunday was an epic night. He tattooed my back with my favourite saying “what goes around comes around” and took me home to MEET HIS PARENTS. It’s true, I did. They were lovely, and after spending the night with him I went skipping off to work Monday morning on my ever changing cloud 9. Of course, I should have seen this coming – but basically I find out that very same Monday that the reason Malone was ignoring my call Thursday night (our original meet) was because he had the ‘crazy ex who he hates to his core’ in the back of his tattoo shop giving her a lil feel ski. Oh, and don’t worry it wasn’t just her, the Tuesday night where he fb pm me and told me I was too much pressure – he wasn’t working late at all, but out at a fancy restaurant with a different girl…’just a mate Nix’ of course. 3 girls in one week, damn he must think he’s some sort of God amongst men (shame he isn’t a God in the bedroom…if you get my drift!). Malone denied the lot…begging BEGGING me to believe the crazy ex was a real crank and he only agreed to see her to get her to fuck off for good.
Now, I’m sure many less confident girls would have screamed down the phone and then sat and cried for a few weeks wondering what was the truth or lies. I am no such girl, and so took a different approach. I called her up the next day and had a two hour conversation with her. Crank? Not in the slightest. She’s just been fed his lies too…lies upon lies upon lies. So that very same day, the ‘ex’ and I agree to meet up at his tattoo shop and confront him together. We did! His face when we both bowled in was an absolute picture!!! I was like ‘My darling, I think the three of us need a chat!”
So what’s the boy to do? Well he confessed everything. Every backdated lie he told me that I questioned, he admitted. He even admitted to having some sordid secret app on his phone where he stores photos of girls – he told the ‘ex’ all about this app and then fessed up to me once she told me. What an absolute filth bag! A secret app, are you kidding me? I swear this is something more like a TV show scene then my life! True to form though, he did repeatedly tell her she is a crank to her face and admitted he had more feelings for me – an action that only made me feel sorry for her and realise even more what an asshole he is. It comes as no shock she isn’t crazy and the more he plugged that line the more angry I got. Leave the girl alone, get some dignity, behave like a man and accept you’re a cheating scumbag. Oh but wait, he never ‘committed’ fully to me, so technically he never cheated, right? Wrong. If I’m sleeping with a guy, call me old fashioned but I don’t expect him to have his fingers up someone else 3 days before. After listening to his bullshit for nearly an hour I left the joint, with her in tow.
Since this fateful confrontation, he’s apologised a billion times, he’s sent long texts saying that he’s lost the best person he’s ever met, saying he’ll torture himself and play it over and over bla bla bla. He’s even said ‘I love you’ – all lines to which I have to take with a pinch of salt. I can’t believe I ever fell for this man. The whole ‘I rarely date, I’m so insecure, I just like chilling out’ vibe he portrayed himself as at the beginning was total utter bullshit. Am I sad? Devastated. Of course I am…I did the typical girl thing, fell head over heels believing what he said, wanting to think he felt something more for me and listened when he spoke about ‘us’.
So, rather than dwelling on my ever diminishing opinion of men and lack of trust in guys forever now, I figured I’d compile a list of signs that he is a player, for you ladies to all read, re-read and then read again. So many have emailed or fb me saying that what I went through with Malone is so similar to their experiences, it sounds like we’re all being played like fiddles (and not in the way we enjoy, ahem!).
Signs that he is a Player:
1. From word go, he is very vocal about being non-committal, or doesn’t want a relationship, or doesn’t want to ‘move too fast’ but yet carries on arranging to see you often. If he liked you enough to deserve your time, he’d make you his for real. This is just his way of preserving his privacy and single life to date others minus any strings.
2. The diary is a little too packed. Malone always seemed to be working late or busy, but I never really knew where or why or how….I only seemed to be able to date him every two or three weeks, which I could never understand. If the guy hasn’t the time for you initially, he never will (he’s spreading his time elsewhere, me thinks).
3. Inconsistency. Malone was always insisting he’s so busy as work so he can’t call or text, day and night…yet when we were planning to see each other he’d be able to pick up whenever or reply all the time, within minutes. Suss? Course.
4. The phone is always on silent. This is self explanatory. He explained once his ring tone doesn’t work so he never hears calls, likely story. More like you just don’t want constant questions about why your phone keeps ringing gone 11 at night!
5. Memory Loss. I asked Malone a few times who he went to watch certain movies with (knowing full well he takes new girls to movies as first dates) and he couldn’t remember who he was with. Fine, if the movie was released in 2010, except it was only 9 days ago mate. Stop lying.
6. Projection. This is when they project onto you their own fears or ways, for example whenever my phone goes off Malone would remark that I’m reading it at an angle away from him, or mess about asking who it was, or commenting that I’m always on my phone. This is because he knows what he is up to and assumes I might be the same. Wrong again dude.
7. He won’t party with you. In this respect I mean, he’ll only organise to see you when it is just you two – albeit dinner or cinema or day trips or sleepovers; any time you suggest meeting his pals, or joining him with your girls on a night out and he doesn’t show or changes plans or just says no, it’s a ‘boy’s night’. Yah…boy’s night to hit on girls perchance? I think so. If he liked you he should be proud to show you off, not hide you away.
8. Intuition. Our gut instincts are always right so if you suspect something isn’t quite right, it probably isn’t. Trust yourself.
9. His social media is either private, or streamed with girls. Sure, he’s a friendly popular bloke but you can’t have that many ‘girl mates’. There must be a reason they all tweet him innuendos, or winks, or suggest hanging out. Social networking sites have killed relationships only because it’s hard to hide the truth when a girl has posted it onto your wall dude.
10. There are other female items in his car or room. No ladies, they’re not left there by a gal pal (as Malone first told me about heels in his back seat!) they’re left there by the last girl he shagged, and if you point the offending item out you’ll only be reminding him to be more careful with the evidence next time.
11. The verbal slip ups. Malone had been in my car a few times before, and considering it is bright yellow, it isn’t one you forget. So when he once turns up and says ‘Oh is that your car, for some reason I thought you had a Mini’ I’m pretty infuriated…surprise surprise the ‘crank’ ex had a Mini. Getting us slightly mixed up is an epic fail.
This list could go on and on but I’m frickin’ tired now and don’t want to give J or his lifestyle any more airtime! So I’ll leave you girls with this: if any of the above points ring alarm bells in your head, listen to your intuition and leave. If you aren’t being treated like the princess you are, leave. If you feel more miserable and sad rather than happy…why have him in your life? Get rid.
Oh, and with the beautiful irony that life delivers, remember that what goes around truly does come around! So no need for revenge, he’ll get his just desserts down the line. Trust me!