I’ll instantly confess, “assumptions are the mother of all f*ck ups” is not actually a Nixalina gem…I was in a conversation with a dude who piped up with the sentence and I loved it. Applicable to all categories of life but more so to the wild dating jungle, I thought I’d take this concept and work out exactly why it is so true.
Ironically, the guy who said it was a far cry from what I assumed he’d be like, so, there is the first damn example! If you’re wondering, he’s a cutie, but very pretty, very preened and I was thinking “here we go, another egotistical pretty boy who’ll consistently find a mirror anywhere, even in a spoon” but was actually a rather interesting and decent dude. 10 points to you for proving me wrong!
So, how does assumption become a third wheel when looking for your perfect partner?
Let’s look at how the dating world works in the first place. You meet a guy at a bar, or on facebook, or at work…and BAMN, assumption has poked it’s ugly head in already. You’ve already half made up your mind if you’re going to date him seriously, just by his looks. I know I know, never judge a book and all that, but still, the cover represents something right? And we all PRETEND that it is about the personality, but when you slyly scan the length of the bar for potentials, you don’t think ‘shit, I bet he has a lovely caring personality’ you think ‘damn he’s got a killer jawline and cute smile’. It’s unavoidable. But where assumption sneaks in and ruins things from the word go, is by assuming (sorry, couldn’t avoid using the same word twice here!) what that person is like just by the physical presentation of said person.
For instance, I’ve come to learn and love that I can pick from this selection: City Boy, Banker Wanker, I.T Intellect, Trendy Twat, Gym Obessive, Cool Kid, Geek Chic, Jack the Lad, Pretty Boy Blue-Eyes, Sports Fanatic, Peter Pan, The Man About Town, The Promoter, The ‘Mum would love you to bring him home for dinner’ Dude, Lazy Lad, Model Minus Personality, Model PLUS Personality (rare find) and a few more I’ve neglected to mention. Please note, I don’t mean it’s possible to actually date Peter Pan, but it’s my nickname for the guys that think they never need to grow up. You’ll usually find them pissed at the bar, stuffing peanuts up their nose and downing beer at the same time…just because they can.
Before you lads start messaging me in an outrage and defend yourselves, I’ll admit I can be wrong. The above is a list of boxes I’ve stuck guys in, from my past experiences and ASSUMPTIONS of who they are. Usually of course, I’m right. A guy recently slides up to me at the bar sporting a full on suit, offers me a flute of champs and asks what I do. As I shock him with ‘I’m an Editor’, I then shock him again with my bang on guess ‘and you’re an Accountant, right?’ Once he confirms…I bail out gracefully.
I have been shocked in recent times to the kind of man I am attracted to though, and what they can offer. I’ll assume because he’s pretty that he doesn’t have a soft side and oozes arrogance, but I am (as mentioned by the first lad who offered up this gem) aware that you can be preened and sensitive. Geeks can be cooler than the cool kids. Gym fanatics probably just want an excuse to have a night off and scoff cookie dough with their new missus on the sofa. Heck, a city boy might crave a walk along the river and a brief escape from his starched two piece. But how do we get to find this kinda sweet stuff out, if assumption steps in the way of our vision and pushes us to the door before we’ve even made it to our first dinner?
What we need to do, and I’ll address the ladies and the lads with this, is try shove assumption aside at the beginning and even if the potential doesn’t tick an outward list, give them the space to show who they really are. Sure, you’re a creative wandering soul and he is a Director of a corporate company, but that doesn’t mean you two won’t balance each other out and become a whole. Or, perhaps she is a hairdresser with a spiky pixie cut and your ex had hair extensions down to her friggin knees…so what? Pixie girl might bowl you over if you bothered to take her to dinner and realise she once cut her locks off for charity. But, as you assumed she was a bit too quirky and odd for you and you like the typical feminine type, you’ve let assumption f*ck up this opportunity.
I know it’s easier said than done and something we all are aware of already, but I think we all need to try apply this idea more firmly in our dating world and could potentially all end up a little happier than before. I dare you, the next time you get approached or approach someone new, try ignore every instinct you have in your mind of the recipient and see where you end up…love pops up in the most unexpected places, after all!