The digital revolution has well and truly taken hold. We used to read the newspapers, now we read it online. And instead of meeting someone at a bar, let’s face it, these days you’ll probably meet your future partner through a dating website or on an app. But the world of online dating is a strange place. For every Prince Charming, there are 100, how shall we put it… interesting characters. Here’s a quick guide to the main types of guy you will encounter online.
The great thing about online dating, is that if don’t get to meet many new people in real life, you can pop online and scroll through hundreds of other singles who are also looking to mingle. Unfortunately, for some guys, there’s a good reason why they didn’t meet anyone in real life. These guys who struggle with women, think online dating is the solution to all their problems, but then lack the basic skills needed to send an opener that doesn’t send women running in the opposite direction. Or, if they have the ability to send a non-creepy message, all illusions of normality are completely blown out of the water once you meet in person. Most of us who have tried online dating have at least a few horror stories.
You meet online, or through a dating app. Conversation is going well. So you take things to the next level, WhatsApp. So far, so good. You talk every day. He always pops up to ask you how your day is, and what you’ve been up to. But, he never actually arranges an actual date. Maybe he’s just shy. So you suggest meeting up sometime. He agrees. Great! But then it… never actually happens. You just talk. And talk. And talk. But anyone who has been on a few Tinder dates knows that you know more about a person in the first 30 seconds of meeting than through months of talking. So please guys, let’s just MEET IN PERSON, so we can see if you look like your pictures and there’s actually any chemistry.
The whole point of online dating is to, oh you know, actually meet in person and date. So although of course you want to put your best foot forward, you’d think you’d want to give an honest account of who you are so you can meet people who may actually be attracted to you. I mean I’d probably get a lot more dates if I said I was 5’2” with 32FF boobs, however they would then end up meeting me and be disappointed to find a lot more leg and a lot less boob than they bargained for, so I be honest. But I’m sure everyone has a story of someone who was 10 years older, or 5 inches shorter than they said they were. I mean come on. It’s not like we’re not going to notice!
You see him. Amongst all the rubble on Tinder (or whatever other app you happen to be using), there he is. The Greek God. Adonis. Your future husband. You swipe right. OH MY GOD YOU MATCHED. It’s like it was meant to be. Should I message him? Nah, play it cool. Don’t want to seem too keen. OH LOOK HE’S MESSAGED YOU! Perhaps he’s asked if you want to go for dinner some…
“Hey. I’m in London for a week and I’m looking for some fun. Do you want to come over to my hotel room and fuck?”
Charming. Just what we all dreamed of as a little girl. Less hot guys do this too, but after you’ve told them no they usually pop up again in a few days with “Are you sure? I could just eat you out?” as less people are taking them up on their offer.
Attractive. Good socially. Decent job. But also, really nice. Is actually looking online for a relationship, rather than to rack up notches. No drug problems, mental issues, or crazy ex-wives lurking in the closet. You suspect he might only exist in your imagination.
But, Linda from your office found one. She met some guy on Plenty of Fish, won’t stop banging on about him, and your office looks that bit more homely with the flowers he keeps bringing her. Your friend Kelly met her boyfriend on Bumble. And your friend Susie is getting married next year, and she met her fiancé on Match.com. So they’re out there. And that’s what keeps you motivated to keep wading through the haystack of No Date Skillses, Penpals, Catfish, and Jetsetters, in the hope that someday you’ll find your needle.
Guest blog by Lara Loveless