I've always had this fear about growing old, growing up, growing uglier...basically just growing. You know what they say, the youth is wasted on the young. I'm hitting the big scary 'fuck my life, fuck it so much' 30 age next year and it's got me thinking all deep 'n' shit. But I've come to realise something. I'm GLAD I grew up. I am happy to be 29. I don't want to be 21 again. Especially not in the bedroom department...
You see, when you're 21 or younger, sex is kinda scary still. Sure, you've had a few years of it but it still seems rather enigmatic, embarrassing and you definitely don't really know what you're doing. You don't know how to pleasure yourself or how to feel comfortable with the lights on or how to actually enjoy that surprise morning boner in your back. If someone mentioned the word butt plug, I'd have assumed it was some plumbing appliance for sinks.
Being 21 in the bedroom sucked (and probably didn't suck very well either).
Oh look, here I am aged 21, with my fiance on a boat in Turkey feeling like I know everything about life. How wrong I was...
So you see, I need to tell you all that sex is 110% better the older you get. If you think youth is better than age, you are so wrong my friend. If you don't believe me, here's my 29 reasons why:
1. The older I've got, the more confident I am with my body. The more confident I am with my body, the happier I am about letting you throw me around at 2 in the afternoon or, should the occasion arise, on a secluded beach in broad daylight.
2. "Let's get experimenting" is no longer a phrase attached to a chemistry lesson. Savvi?
3. One night stands are no longer something to be ashamed of. They're a "I felt like it" moment that requires zero guilt after.
4. It's not all black and white. Grey exists now. No, I'm not referring to bloody Christian Grey. I'm saying that as I get older, I now see that complex relationships exist, affairs and cheating happens and it's because we're human, not because we're Satan's minions.
5. Toys are not just for my 6 year old self.
6. Making myself orgasm is no longer a myth - it's a daily priority.
7. I've now been doing yoga for a year...do with that information what you will.
8. I don't take any shit these days - if you want me to do THAT move, you best give me something in return too. Eye for an eye and all that.
9. Embarrassment doesn't enter my bedroom. Like ever. I've not shaved my legs in 2 days because I was busy getting drunk and then being hungover, so take it or leave it mate. Take it? Yeah, thought so.
10. A 'loving' relationship is no longer a requirement of 'amazing' sex. Yeah, sorry to burst those bubbles. But a decent fuck doesn't mean you got to love each other. It means you want to rip each other's clothes off. So very different.
11. It's totally okay to be like...a 69er? Nah. I want it to be all about me for a while actually.
12. Owning 15 vibrators is legit okay. Well, for a sex blogger it's definitely okay.
13. Talking of sex bloggers - I have boxes and boxes of 'fun' that I didn't have to pay for. Win.
14. Being vocal is nothing to be ashamed of. "Listen, darling, move your tongue faster or just give up and move on. Thanks."
15. I now know what turns ME on and I'm not afraid to let the guy know who I really am. I'm a submissive...so dominate me or bore off.
16. Nothing can shock me any more. Absolutely nothing.
17. Cuddling after sex still feels incredible but if I don't get it, I don't take it personally now. Some people just like to de-cum themselves with some space, so to speak.
18. Talking of cuddling, you don't need to stay if you don't want to either. Seriously, door is right there.
19. If I make you breakfast in the morning it's now because I want to, not because I feel I HAVE to just to try gain some unrealistic girlfriend points.
20. My body is fittttttttttttttttttt. Literally, I'm fitter than I was at 21. If it wasn't such a widely read blog I'd post a nude just to be like "OMG LOOK AT ME AT 29". But I won't. Boo.
21. "How many people have you slept with" is a redundant question that I categorically won't answer. I lost my virginity at 15 and I've had relationships since then...you do some maths if you want.
22. I don't worry about clocking up 'numbers' in the bedroom anymore. Life is for living.
23. Getting dressed up in naughty lingerie and waiting in the lounge to surprise him is not a chore, it's a decent AF Friday night in.
24. Bondage is not a word that makes me blush. It's a word that makes me go 'Ohhh...please continue'.
25. Porn is not something I'd quickly turn off...I would actively watch it.
26. Role play isn't just a warm up session in Drama class. Your files are all submitted Mr. Boss sir...
27. I've learnt that the more degrading / filthy positions for you, the more he'll be turned on. You want my legs where sorry? Oh okay then...
28. Rimming is no longer associated with pottery classes.
29. I'm still single at 29 and not worried about being in a committed relationship, meaning I can still have that exciting new sex with my new guy and who knows what will happen after that...which is exciting too! Cheers to that future lovers.