So, you’re in a damn good place right now. He gives you butterflies, you communicate daily, you’ve had a casual meet or maybe you’re about to go on your first date. This is all so very lovely, but you need to make sure that you’re still one step ahead. I’m talking about – that precious second date.
Many girls find that securing a first date is the easy part - it’s getting any longevity on the tryst that becomes troublesome. I hear you loud and clear…and fear not, I am here to help.
Below are my tips and tricks that can help you make it past the first date hurdle:
1. Keep your cool
This is easier said than done when you think you’ve met someone special. I always dive in head first and guess what? It ends just as fast. Even if he’s texting you consistently, do not reciprocate in a similar fashion during the early stages. Chances are he’s scoping you out to see how you’ll react, so maintain your cool and you’ll remain attractive to him.
2. Remember whatever you chase – it runs away
Ever tried to chase a dog to get it to come back on the lead? Yep…it runs in the opposite direction even faster. Whenever you chase something, it will always run and unfortunately this includes men. Also, men LIKE to chase. They enjoy the good ol’ hunt. So let him see you as his prize worth hunting down. Do not do the chasing as it will come off as desperate and you won’t get that dinner he promised on the first meet.
3. Let him make contact first, no questions
Once again, easier said than done, but he needs to be the one showing interest. Assume that he has a few other girls texting him – make yourself the one that stands out by not being bothered to text him first. This way, he’ll be intrigued by you and he’ll actively want to text you and communicate.
4. Make no references to him on your social media
If he’s already on your social media, then do not put any references to the first date or to him on any platform. This will come off as ‘too much too soon’ and will put out the flame before it’s even lit. He’ll also want to see how much you care, so by no public displays of affection, you will keep your cards close to your chest. This is always a good thing.
5. In fact, don’t let him on your social media (just yet)
If he’s not already on your social media, don’t add him / accept his add just yet. He needs to see that you don’t let anyone and everyone on your channels so that when you do eventually add him, it will feel like he’s achieved something. Also, he won’t be able to stalk you and make assumptions/judgments on you and perhaps cancel future plans.
6. However you feel – slightly withdraw
I’ll confess I am particularly bad at this as I wear my heart on my blouse sleeve, but even if you’ve already rung your mum to discuss how you’ve had the best first date ever…do not let on to him that you feel this way. He needs to feel that he doesn’t have a 100% hold on you, so that he’ll keep on working for it. Thus, the second and third (and fourth!) dates will occur.
7. When he asks to see you next, be busy
Sure, it sounds a bit ‘game play’ but unfortunately, it actually works. None of us like people who are too readily available or appear to have nothing going on in their own lives, because when we think of an ideal partner we want someone who can match us and hold their own in the relationship. If someone comes off as completely dependent upon you, it’s off putting. Also, if you’re busy the first time he asks to see you, he’ll start to wonder if he has competition. This won’t make him withdraw, it will make him want to work even harder.
8. Remain enigmatic
Being enigmatic simply means…not revealing everything about you, your life and your emotions from the get go. Even when you get to the second date (which you will if you follow these easy steps) you need to remain slightly mysterious. Always bear in mind that everyone wants what they can’t have, it’s human nature. So if he never knows where he stands with you, if he’s not sure what you’re thinking and doesn’t feel like he ‘has you’ then he’ll continue to want you. Savvi?
9. Don’t sext before the third date (try three months, or never!)
So, if you’ve got a second date set up or you’ve already had it…he might start requesting nude images. Yes, you like him and yes, you are hot. But this will be another test to see if you’re malleable. It’s a known fact that whilst men ask for pictures, they respect the girls who don’t actually send them. Those are the women they chase, not the one who has already given out the goods via Whatsapp. I should know – I’ve made this mistake myself many times before.
It may feel like a lot to remember and take on board, but it will become more habitual the more you practice it. Don’t get it confused with game-playing, it is more just understanding what makes men tick and then giving this to them. After all, they think they know what they want, but they don’t know what they need. Give them what they need and there will be fireworks long term. Oh, and always bear in mind:
The candle that burns twice as bright lasts half as long.