Monday, 1 February 2016

Boyfriends Are Like Buses; I Don’t Take Buses


The last time I wrote an actual relationship feature was well over a month ago...wtf have I been doing with myself? I'll tell you – having a shit load of fun. Things all got a bit mad; the world seemed to turn on its head with regards to my dating life. Let me explain.
Since January I've had two relationship offers. Two wannabe boyfriends within 5 months, niccceeeeee. Not drunken jokes or pissed up texts, genuine 'I want you to be my girlfriend' requests. Actual. I haven't mentioned these dudes to y'all because, well, this may come as a surprise but I do keep some of my private stuff private! In both cases they were seemingly genuine sweet guys and I got on with them well, but once they suggested we make it official (one even requested a Facebook status update) I freaked out and cooled down the dial on this PRESSURE COOKER.

But wait, I thought you were after a relationship with a nice guy Nix? Yes I know that's what you're thinking. I agree, I thought I did too...until the reality turned up on my doorstep that I could be in an actual relationship, then I freaked out made excuses and took my leave. What on Earth is going on?

Seemingly, I have now achieved the ultimate state of single life, without even realising it. I've spent so many years writing about looking for a man, I've dated eligible bachelors across London and Kent, I've hosted my own Single Girl Seminar and I've accidentally turned into the type of woman I preach about... the woman who doesn't need a man and isn't too fussed about having one around either. It was accidental, I assure you. I started out desperate for love and white doves and diamonds and Sunday mornings in, but that lifestyle has slipped away. Nay, I've pushed it away. Good riddance.

I've managed to hang out with guys and date guys and on the rare occasion sleep with guys...and not want anything more. I have progressed from a Carrie mind-set to a Samantha Jones mind-set. Sound the trumpets and ring the bells let's celebrate! I'll use the recent two potential Prince Charmings as my examples. Once each one had made it clear they were interested for the long haul... I started to think. If I tied myself down to him and said yes, I'm going to no longer be the ultimate single girl that I have worked so hard to become. I'll become his 'missus'. My single girl seminars will have to stop. My dating articles will dwindle to "we had a great dinner last night, walked the dog, went for breakfast today, how very lovely it all was" snooze fest. Plus, I'm no spring chicken... 27 years old is enough to know if I get into a relationship at a whim, chances are, I'll just waste a few more years of my life with a guy which may then end and I'd start all over again. Meh. Then I'd also think...do I really wanna wake up to this face most mornings? Lose all the excitement of meeting new people, the first date butterflies and the uncertainty of who you'll end up giving yourself to in the end. No, I choose single life.

For instance next week I'm being taken to Sushi Samba one evening after work, and then to the Polo on Friday, both wonderful guys who I like to spend time with. And why the fuck shouldn't I! I've done my fair share (more than my required portion in fact) of being someone's girlfriend and being hurt and screwed and screwed over, why on Earth would I swap my current awesome situation of being spoilt like a Princess for a bog standard relationship again. It is a no brainer. Plus if I settle down now, who are all the other single girls going to look to for advice and support and inspiration? And don't even get me started on my ready-to-be-published novel...the contents of that I believe means I should definitely be single for its release. The guy may read it and never look at me in the same way again. Shame.

And what is more interesting my fellow ladies, is that when I withdrew and turned down the offer of being their one and only...you guessed it, they continuously pursued me. Turn a man down and no doesn't mean no, it means try harder. Their testosterone kicks in and their ego and pride swirls around and suddenly, you're 10x more desirable. He HAS to have you. It is amazing to watch. I get texts like "can I come stay and see you and your cat" and of course, I say no. I'm well aware of the pussy subtext of that text, thank you very much. All the while I've been acting like I need someone, and when I finally understood it wasn't what I wanted or needed at all, they are all queuing up. It sounds like old clichés but it really is true, act like you don't want it and you'll get it. For reasons I cannot fathom, a woman who turns a man down on several occasions is more appealing than one who says yes from the get go. With me if I ask a guy out and he makes his excuses, I don't keep going back there. I don't bother watering a dead flower. Alas, men don't see it that way. They throw a load of fertilizer at it and believe their strong sense of self will bring that flower back to life. Sorry guys but... I blossom much better alone, without you.

Boyfriends are like Buses; you wait for ages then three turn up at the same time. Sigh. 


Another cliché but also true, guys are like fricking buses. You don't see one for ages and then suddenly 3 come along at once and you've got no idea which one you're meant to jump on and ride all the way home. Literally. The guys I'm seeing this week are completely different to the two previous who asked to be with me... I'm not bragging, I'm more shocked. I figured it is about time I really started enjoying myself, and no...I am not bothered about letting them spoil me. Why the fuck not!

So I guess then, females out there, my words of wisdom to you is this; say no. Say no but actually mean it. I get texted and called daily and I never instigate it anymore and I've been aloof just because, I'm not fussed. It is no game, it is a genuine state of feeling. I don't give a shit if he stays or leaves. And because of this...he stays. Go figure.


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