Saturday, 30 January 2016

You Slut. Die.


"When they can't just say I miss you, they tell you to go and die."

You'd be shocked but I'm not. Really...I'm an expert at this stuff. However, I figured I'll blog it because, you know, that's my thang. Also, I've got the much needed gems of wisdom. 
My ex-boyfriend (if you can call it that) recently text me these words: "You slut" and then followed with a simple "Die". It wasn't completely out of the blue, let me explain. We had planned to hook up again post-split because, a girl's gotta eat and all, but shit went sour in 0 to 60 seconds - all because HE turned ME down AGAIN so I arranged to hang out with another guy instead. Sorry but, I'm single. We split because HE didn't want to be in a relationship. So, having tried to hook up numerous times since without much success, I've moved on. I even offered to see him one final bloody time and he told me he was busy so I made it clear that it's cool but I'll head elsewhere. And head elsewhere I did.

I then get told that I'm a slut and to die. I'm not going to give this guy any more air time because the whole thing is laughable. But really, I'm going to focus on the act of the text itself. Having deleted it instantly, turned my phone off and started enjoying my evening, I woke up the next day thinking...

Why does passion turn so quickly from love to hate?

He is not the first nor will he be the last in an abundance of men (and ladies too!) that turn inherently evil post break-up. I mean sure, if the person cheats on you, you got every right to tell them to fuck off.  But as far as my memory serves me...he left me. As my memory serves me, I did plan on seeing him and he was the one to toot me to the side. Sooooo...what really is all this about? 

In this case, it's all because he decided he did want me that night, but another guy had me and I wouldn't go running. So, his ego was bruised and he was JEALOUS.  That's what it comes down to. Doesn't it? I mean, if he really thought I was a slut, then he wouldn't be interested in seeing me again.  If he really wanted me to go and die...then why would he want me over?  I mean, forgive me but, if I wanted someone dead I'll certainly not be bothered about who they were with or where they were or...anything. But let's be clear...however upset or angry or frustrated I am, I'd never ever tell anyone to die. How awful.

So, why does this happen?  Why do we suddenly become so nasty and vicious to ex loves of days gone by?  It's like we all have amnesia and forget that this person was once the person we chose to share a bed with, a life with, the one you'd smile when they text or get excited when they call.  How can emotions switch so dramatically from happiness to hatred? 

I think I have the answer. Well, four answers actually.

1. As an emotion, anger is easier to sit with and experience than sadness and loss. This is why many get angry at the death of a loved one; not for any other reason than anger feels easier to manage. If we've been rejected, dumped, betrayed or just phased out, being sad is utter shit.  No-one actually enjoys dwelling in that emotion. To say "it hurts every damn day that he left me" isn't easy, but to shout "he was an utter cunt and I hate him" feels like magic. It's not true, of course, but it's a coping mechanism when sadness is just something we feel we cannot deal with. 

2. Any attention is...well...attention.  That evening of the texts and phone calls proved this to me to be true - regardless of whether I was texting him saying 'you're an evil tongued cunt' or 'that phone call makes me never want to see you again' it didn't matter, the fact was he was still receiving my attention. That was better than hearing nothing from me at all. So he continued to dig me out on the phone, try embarrass me in front of his mate and proceeded to text me those final 3 words. Because all of it was to keep my attention on him. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was LIVID. I have never been so turned off by someone in one evening.  I went from missing him to wishing he'd disappear in about half an hour. Bizarre. 

3. Jealousy comes out as anger. It's beyond difficult to just say "I am jealous of the idea of you not wanting me anymore" or "I am jealous of the idea that you're happy with someone else" so instead, you get mad. You know the score...the usual shit "you were fucking crazy anyway" or "you're probably with some wanky model anyway fuck that shit" or "I fucked some girl yesterday so all is good with me" or whatever they say to try make you hurt. This is because they're jealous you're okay without them now. You get me? You know I speak sense.

4. Ego gets bruised and nobody can mend that shit.  Arrogance is one thing but ego is quite another.  Once your ego feels it has been rejected, it rears it's ugly head and you cannot tame it back down for a while. Your bruised ego will make you say all sorts of stupid shit in an attempt to regain your self esteem.

They don't mean any of it.  They're just HURT that you've moved on and no longer want them, so they get ANGRY instead and cover up JEALOUSY with evil comments. Hence why "you slut" and "die" was delivered to my exhausted smartphone from a number I've now deleted and wish I never saved. 

Whilst I appreciate both genders get shitty, I can only really comment on the dudes because I've never dated dolls. But yeah, men get pretty abusive after the honeymoon period fizzles into luke warm Hell on Earth. If you've been a complete Bitch like killed his pet rabbit, cut his clothes up, torched his car, pooed through his letterbox...then sure, the anger would be justifed.  So would a restraining order probably. But if, like me, you've just decided to stop taking the shit and moved on...then the evil comments are definitely connected to one of the four issues I have outlined above. And it usually all stems down to the fact they miss you and are unable to voice the words required. Sad but true. 

If this happens, there is only one way to proceed with life; ignore ignore ignore. You need to cut contact immediately before your tryst turns into something much darker. Sure, you're hurting.  Yes, you miss him.  Yes, you once thought he loved you. He may even still do so.  But nobody, nobody, deserves to be spoken to like that.  All it will do is upset you and ruin your perfectly lovely day. Block and delete. You hear me? Block. Then. Delete.  Then down a quick Cosmo before meeting up with a new potential. 

And rest assured, as for my ex who apparently wishes I would die, I wish nothing but the best. But I definitely won't hope to find someone like you. I hope to find the complete opposite. 




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