Sunday, 31 January 2016

Plenty of Pricks, I mean, Fish


Do I just have abnormally high standards? Do I expect men to be a certain way; a type of guy that they will never be all the time they have two eyes and one arsehole? Maybe I have a warped idea on what the 'average' man looks like...model jawlines are sparser than a daisy in the desert. Or maybe, just maybe, the typical bloke who has a profile on a dating site is a massive bellend.

I used to call Plenty of Fish, which was one of the original free online dating sites, Plenty of Fucking. Not difficult to work out why – most men used to sign on, for free, to hunt down some free shagging. With the original instigation of finding love online swept well aside, the sites were mainly for easy hook ups. I came off it years ago...due to one decent individual who, after I started talking to, asked me to send him photos of my bare feet and hands. I do not succumb to a foot fetish freak. So I ditched the site.

Roll on a few years and I'm back on doing some much needed research. Now, I've upgraded it to Plenty of Pricks. Not much of an upgrade is it? Nope. I mean sure, I appreciate online dating sites will all have a mixture of genuine and honest dudes and those who are out for a fuck, but give me bloody strength it's like they all flock to PoF. As if it is a gravitational pull, a magnet that attracts only the complete arseholes and self obsessed tossers in your surrounding area. Great. Sure, these are pretty strong opinions but I have ample research and experience to back me up.


*bring on the rant*

Firstly, I write in my profiles 'don't just say hey, I will ignore you' because it is the laziest opening message ever to a girl. What do you want me to reply, hey? It doesn't make me want to converse with you, and it just looks like you message every girl you come across with 'hey' and hope she replies. No. But even though I clearly state this, I get inundated with these exact boring messages. Obviously, they look at my photos, don't bother reading anything I wrote and messaged me 'hey' based purely on my looks because that's all they care about. Prick.

Secondly, half the dudes on there are fakes. I can smell a fake a mile off and even when they try style it out, it's as obvious as Jordan's chest. So many seedy men sitting behind a computer using a stranger's photos to hit on girls. You can usually spot a fake by: they only have one or two images max, images seem to be professionally taken or blurred, they don't have facebook or any social media, they don't have a webcam to video chat etc. They'll lie their way through it all of course, so just roll with your gut instinct or, email me and I'll work it out. What is the actual point of being a fake profile? We're never ever going to ever meet and I'll call you out on being a fake instantly, so why bother in the first place? You're just a weirdo wasting everyone's time. Prick.

Thirdly, I've actually had dudes start a conversation or at least try to, by being mean to me. Some guy messaged me and wrote 'without your big arse you've got nothing to offer'. I did laugh, and then I blocked him. What a spiteful twat! Surely, SURELY, the point of a dating site is to message girls you think you want to know and open up a conversation being nice, not go out of your way to be a dick to someone you don't know. I think many guys on there are just so desperate for the attention, good or bad, that they start mean messages to girls hoping to get any form of response. I block and ignore. Prick.

Fourthly, guys seem to be way too fixated on photos. They just comment on my dress or my face and swiftly move onto snapchat requests. They do not, on any level, seem concerned with what comes out of my mouth. In fact I am sure the only reason they'd ever take notice of my mouth is imagining sticking their dick in it. Apart from that, they don't care. PoF shows me that my looks hold more weighting than anything I achieve or believe in. They want arse, not aspiration. Prick.

Finally, guys often upload images of them riding an elephant, or giving a thumbs up next to a tiger. They think it gives them the well rounded traveller type look that girls dig. What it actually does, is highlight their ignorance of the suffering that humans inflict on these animals and make me instantly click off their profile. I try, where I can, to educate but I have seen so many it is too great a task. When you pose next to that tiger all for a photo, you should be aware that tiger is chained, drugged and beaten. When you ride that elephant and smile for the photo, you should know that elephant is chained, tortured and enduring slave labour. All for you to show off on PoF. Prick.

*end of rant*
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