Okay girls, I've had many different requests about this topic so I'm writing a general piece to all of you. Thank you for the emails and messages asking for my words of wisdom - it seems like you're all getting the same kind of twat. Spotting a player ain't easy my female friends, no it isn't, but there are various signs that can help you along your way.I have met so many players anyone would think I'm a board game. At the young old age of 27, the only game I deal in is poker. There was once a time I'd revel in being made to feel jealous or running around town with that nervous sick feeling waiting for a call. But then I grew up...apparently the dudes never got this last memo. Shame.
A player, by definition, is someone who says one thing but means another. Someone who spiels the most elaborate things to you but also 10 other girls in his smart phone. A player is after one thing - conquering you. Getting you into bed and getting what he wants. Then it's time to move on to the next girl, leaving you high and dry. If you're hard to bag in the sack, he will not withdraw but double his efforts. Remember my puppy and stick scenario? Yes it still applies.
Now before we hit the gritty shit, can I just say to the douche bag dudes - these poor girls don't actually mind if you were straight up. "Listen honey, I can't do commitment but I can do you. You get me?" If you drop the honesty bomb, you're more likely to get what you want mate. I've said all of this before but it seems it falls on death ears. If you want a short tryst don't allude to marriage. If you want a hook up at weekends only, don't text all day every day. Am I the only one keeping it real in this city or what? If I say I like you...I really do. If I say I want you, I mean it in every sense of the term. If I let you into my life - my bed, my events, my friend circles, it is because I see us going somewhere awesome. If I sleep with you...you're the only one. But yet with a player, if you call me baby, I know I'm not the only one (Cheers Sam Smith for this banging tune).
I'm not too bothered about the players anymore, a guy has gotta eat after all. But when they insult my intelligence? Oush. Then they're taking a low blow. That is when I pull back all my emotions I offered out, and disappear. He never hears from me again. He won't even get a farewell explanation because I owe no such response. I just vanish. "But how do you do that Nix? How do you cut off?" I know I know it's hard...it's called self respect. Push all your feelings for him aside for a moment, and remember all of your feelings for yourself. You deserve commitment and monogomy. You deserve consistency. And yes, you are beautiful. Don't you dare start questioning that or I'll come and punch you.
And it seems there are many many girls out there who feel the same, and have thus reached out to me for help. Good call ladies, good call. And yes, lads, I know girls can and are just as bad but they are of no concern to me because I do not get inundated with messages from heartbroken guys wondering why she disappeared after their mini break away.
So, rather than ranting at the men who never change, or explaining to you all in separate messages what to do now you think you've been played, I've decided to write this article to help you spot a player before he beds you and leaves you.
How to Spot a Player Check List
1. He's extremely intense, extremely fast. Girl come on now...you've barely hung out and he doesn't even know how many siblings you have, how can you believe his feelings for you are genuine? He cannot feel so much for you so quickly - love takes time. Long ass time.
2. He calls you his baby instantly. Well, I am all for pet names, but baby should only be used when you really like each other. If I call a guy baby, it's because in my mind he's boyfriend material and I want in. I only drop the baby bomb if I firmly believe in time I could drop the L-bomb too. Guys, on the other hand, know calling you baby will melt you into putty in their hands. It works, every time. Sigh.
3. He's always online on whatsapp, but never texting you. Trust me on this, it isn't his mother that he's busy texting all day.
4. He ignores you completely on social media, but fawns over everyone else. So he constantly favourites and retweets other girl's tweets, but when you @ him he just ignores it? Really...do I really need to point out this is a bad sign? Or does he spend all day liking other girl's photos on Instagram but never once remotely interacts on your page? No baby no. Walk away. He's either just wanting a tonne of attention from anything with a big butt or he gets kicks from winding you up. Either way it is a no go.
5. Cancels on you, lots. But wants you to be free when he is free. This isn't even about the player, this is about respect for the other person. Right now you are slotting nicely into his lifestyle and he isn't too bothered about slotting into yours. Aka you're a short term booty call not a long term baby plan. Blow out the blow-out babe.
6. His phone never ever stops going off. Like...ever. So he gets notifications at 1 2 3 4 and 5am but claims they're just spam emails? Well, he must be such an important person! Mate I run my own company and I have 3 different email accounts I have to keep on top of for; TV appearances / movie premieres / prouduct reviews / press events / sex related news / fashion shows and even MY phone manages to spend some time on the hush.
7. He goes ghost on you for no reason. Classic sign. You go from talking from dawn to dusk to nothing. Then a week later he checks back in and sparks up the spark again. Don't sit there fearing you've lost him or fearing mentioning it in case he gets angry and gets rid - the only reasons accepted that you two lost touch is: if a shark ate both of his hands / his phone was absorbed by alien radiation / he's in intensive care / he's on holiday. But even on holiday we all have Wifi. Maybe not in the Amazon forest though. Don't let the guy go ghost and accept it is okay.
8. His conversation changes and his personality does a 180 flip. Woooahhhh there fella, you're giving me whiplash with all of your mood swings. So this one is key - you talk talk talk then hang out lots, maybe he beds you maybe he doesn't, then all of a sudden you're the one texting him all day without a single response. Wait, what now? Since when did that happen? Since when did our budding relationship become so one sided? I'm confused...have you lost the ability to communicate? Oh no wait, that's not the answer. The real answer is he got what he wanted and has thus lost interest, so is phasing you out politely because he lacks the balls to text and end it.
9. His best mate messages you and asks you out on a date. Couldn't be more obvious that you're not classed as special to your someone special if his best mate wants in on the action!
10. Your gut instinct makes you feel sick and weird...a lot. Can't concentrate on work? Stuffed with butterflies but they feel a bit not-so-fluttery? That isn't the fun butterfly kick of a new beau my friend, that is your gut instinct letting you know this kid isn't quite the ticket. Always trust your inner judgement. ALWAYS.
11. He has girl's items in his bedroom but when questioned, he said his sister left them there. Erm...how many brothers and sisters do you know that share double beds together? Stop trying it mate.
12. He accuses you of playing around when you've done fuck all wrong. Thou doth protest too much. It is statistically factual that most people who cheat become the ones paranoid that their partner is cheating. They know what they were doing and assume you can do the same too.
13. If you stop and think about it, you actually know nothing about him. Do you know what he does at weekends? Do you know what he chooses to do, to relax? Does he know what you're up to daily but you have no clue where he is from one day to the next? That isn't because you've not asked...it's because he's chosen not to say. Why? Keeping you in the dark makes the playing game much easier to juggle. No near miss chance of you and his other two flames bumping heads.
14. He often asks you the same question, twice, in the same day. Yep, it happens. When they're juggling many girls, they forget exactly what they've said to which one.
15. He calls you another girl's name by accident, then blames it on his recent call to his cousin Sophia. Oh princess... run as fast as you can.
16. He calls you crazy and gets very defensive if you ever question anything he says or does. We know how I feel about the crazy bomb being dropped all over the joint. If he is acting shady and extremely defensive then he IS being shady. There's no way around this one, this is just how it is.
17. He discusses wedding bells and you two haven't even seen in 3 months together yet. Honestly? No man is willing to give up his life at a snap judgement call on one chick. Think it's true love? Think it's love at first sight? Nope...he knows what to say and when to say it to make you fall head over heels, so he can get what he wants out of you. Don't start shopping for dresses honey - I'd start shopping for a new man if I were you.
18. He made you cry but you didn't tell him in case he says you're "too much" and leaves. This is genuine, and sad. Upsetting, actually. When guys make girls cry by their behaviour but girls don't want to show a sign of weakness as it will turn him off...it happens. It happens a lot more than you think. Hurting but being afraid to admit it isn't love, it isn't happiness and it isn't healthy. A good man will want to know when you're upset so he can help fix you.
19. He never seems to be free at weekends, but will always text on Monday morning. This is very clear - you are not his weekend plans, you are his bored at work texting plan. Or maybe a mid-week evening plan. But you are not his weekend. Others take that pride spot. Leave him, now.
20. He told you from the get go he cannot do commitment. Yep, I know, we all ignore it. We all think we can change them, eventually. Maybe after a few months he'll fall madly in love? Nope. Give up, now.