Wednesday, 27 January 2016

Girls are all about the Honesty; until shit gets Honest



I'm no beacon of truth. I'm no new-age Messiah who lives their life purely by truth, enlightenment and unconditional love. And I'm certainly no angel (well maybe Lucifer, after he fell of course), but when it comes to dating and relationships I have just two attributes that I hope my better half values too: loyalty and honesty. Two easily achieved concepts that make for a delightful happy relationship for both attendees. Be loyal to each other and always honest from the word go with both the small and big issues and there is nothing you then can't overcome together. Or so I originally thought.

I'm still standing by my whole 'no-lying' policy when it comes to relationships, but I've somewhat changed my tune with regards to the dating scene of late. I've recently encountered a guy who has made me question this whole 'honesty is the best policy' sha-bang. Which I never thought in a million years I'd do so already he's pretty special. Anyway that's all the air-time he's getting for now, I'm moving swiftly on to the main point here - dating and truths. Dating is a dark tangled web of second guessing, white lies, over-analyzing, over-thinking and trying to remain two steps ahead to prevent being hurt whilst remaining open with your intentions, carefree and happy but not naïve or oblivious either. In short, it's fucking exhausting. It drains me fo' sure; there isn't a month that goes by without me having a discussion with Diva or my girls about a recent potential who is driving me insane with his seemingly erratic footsteps. Two steps forward, five moves diagonal and then a high-jump backwards. Diva quite correctly pointed out my dating life in particular is like needing to learn the rules of Monopoly but only holding the instructions to Snakes & Ladders. It fits to be akin to a board game with the amount of players who come strolling my way, looking for checkmate (I'm the Queen FYI asshole, and I kick King's butt hands down).

So what if, in a breath of fresh air to the dinner dates or cocktails or walks by the river, the lover's trysts were filled with as much honesty as both could offer? Wouldn't this be awesome? What if we all told Mr. Hudson to shove his White Lies up his arse, and laid our cards on the table, never pretending to want what we think the other wants. Let's give this honesty malarkey a go right here right now: Hi my name is Nixalina and contrary to popular belief I am not a girl who dates many men at once. Forgive me for still holding onto the value of loyalty in this fast-pace modern society but, I can only date one man at a time because if I have taken an interest in dating him then I feel he deserves my attention without the need to offer him competition, that's just making the situation unnecessary complex. I like him, he gets my time, period. I am also not into sleeping with a harem of people at once either; one is more than enough, especially if that one is special to me. Sure, I get offers...but I turn them down. Perhaps a concept some men might want to try, just because they ask you out does not mean you have to say yes! Moving swiftly on...

So, with this insight into 'me' in mind, wouldn't it be lovely if I didn't feel the need to tell a man I'm cool with just sex or just seeing how it goes casually, if I'm not? And wouldn't it be nice if he returned the favour and told me where he is at, i.e. that he feels at this moment in time he likes me and enjoys our company but does still need to date other women too for the time being? Isn't that nice? NO. NO IT'S NOT NICE. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. LIKE EVER.

Of course I thought I'd want to hear the honest truth, but in hindsight, I really don't. I wanted to know exactly where he was at, but now, I wish I was blissfully unaware of him dating other girls. Why? Because now the second guessing is going to carry on and on and on... oh so you took her for dinner too, is she nice? Is she better? Is she funnier? Does she say stupid things too, or suggest really bad date ideas? Does she want as many cuddles, or do you like that she doesn't demand attention? Did you take her home? I haven't gone home with you yet, does that mean she's seen as a better option, or am I too frigid, or maybe I'm the better option and because she put out, she's viewed as a bit too easy? AHHHHH this is exhausting! Whereas if he had skirted the issue or appeased me with a white lie, or perhaps didn't address the dating other people scenario until him and I got near serious, we'd both be kept in the dark but just enjoying the time we spend together. Let's just say I feel he's enlightened me but I was happier with the light turned off. I don't want a light at this tunnel, I want to just remain in the black cave, chillin'. To sum up, I want honesty until I get honesty and then I wish I didn't have honesty at all. But then I don't think I want lies either, unless they're white lies to keep the dating-peace in which case, maybe a white lie really did never hurt anyone? Keeping up with me my dears? I know right...I told you it's exhausting. I've sweat off 5 pounds in anxiety this morning alone. So it's led me to this boulder of knowledge:

Does dating and lies come hand in hand?

We sit around drinking cocktails lamenting over our recent beaus and chastising the liars and the players, but perhaps men have it right and are a little more clued up than we give them credit for. We want honesty only until we hear something we don't want to hear...then honesty is not the best policy. No my friend, it isn't. I'm like, boy you best keep shit real with me but if you're saying something I don't exactly swing for, then you can keep it shut mate. It's not dissimilar to the age old concept of wanting what we can't have and then when we get it we lose interest. I want a man who is completely honest and when he came along, his honesty penetrated my soul (for now, that's the only penetration going on!). The extra cutting part is I genuinely really like him. He is just the kind of guy I could see myself being with...for however long 'long term' equates to (if he reads this, fuck it I'm just being honest!). I am both hurt yet torn between his ability to be so honest with me...it's amazing to find that in someone, yet I don't want to hear the truth. Date other girls...just don't tell me you are! Exit honesty and enter white lie. Oh hello white-lie, you look like shit from afar but in comparison to honesty, you seem the attractive option right now.

And so here I am, going back on a value I thought was once cemented into the very fibre of my being. I wish he'd lied to me, and not admitted he wants to date others. Because it puts me in this awkward scenario of whether I carry on dating him in the knowledge he is the only man I am dating yet I am not the only woman he is dating, or, do I accept he's in a different place in his life and walk away now. Lest we not forget, I like him. I want to see him again. I think about him when I'm not with him and when I am with him, he makes me smile. He makes me feel special, even when I am being a complete moron (which happens often). Perhaps a white-lie is in order...we'll see.

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